Ooooh, Urine Trouble…..

In the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, I have witnessed the best of humanity coming forth to help their fellow man.

Of course, around the rest of the country, I have also witnessed some of the worst.

ย Woman Tells Why She Threw Cup of Urine on DC Bus Driver

At first I thought this was premeditated. But no.

The woman called News4 early Wednesday and said she wanted to explain what happened. She said she was running late for an appointment Saturday evening when she got on the X2 bus. She said she needed to relieve herself.

“I had to go to the bathroom real, real bad,” she said. “I just peed in a cup.”

I’ve been late to appointments before. But if you are already late, a few minutes will not matter. If I am riding public transportation, I will make sure to go to the bathroom where there’s A) toilet paper, and B) privacy. Just my jones.

“I was provoked. I hate Metro,” she told News4’s Adam Tuss in a phone interview Wednesday morning.

“Iโ€™ve been catching Metro for 35 years. They’ve never done s— for me,” the lifelong D.C. resident said.

Wait, you mean to tell us you hate the bus but have been riding it for 35 years? I’ve been to DC. I get that a lot of people don’t own cars. But it’s not outside the realm of possibility to save up for a few years to get your own car. Many people do that because they hate taking public transportation. And just what did the bus driver do to provoke THAT reaction??

ย “She said ‘have a nice day’ all sarcastically,” the urine-throwing woman said. “She could have been more courteous.”

ZOMG!!!! I am agog at the irony of a woman who throws her waste matter at a stranger demanding courtesy of said stranger. She doesn’t even bother to ask herself why the driver was sarcastic, IF the driver was sarcastic in the first place.

Tuss asked the woman if the bus driver had done anything specific to provoke the assault.

“No, no, no,” the woman said. But she added later, “She was waving me off and flicking me off.”

She also said the driver gave her a rude look.

“I did feel bad,” the woman said.

Flicking? Rude look? I have breaking news for her. DC isn’t the most friendly place I’ve ever visited, and if I had a dime for every rude look I got while traipsing all over town, I could have spent the night at The Four Seasons AND ordered room service. There is no law that states you must have courtesy shown to you at all times on bus route X2. You just assaulted someone. That’s a serious offense, even if you apologize for your actions. Who knows? She may have opened herself to a lawsuit. In this day and age, I wouldn’t be surprised if not only the bus driver sued the woman, but also Metro and quite possibly those poor people who witnessed her relieving herself in a cup.

Actions have consequences, and that’s probably the reason Metro hasn’t done shit for her in 35 years.

Happy Independence Day

On this day, brave men decided to commit treason against the Crown in a bid to form a new country, free from tyranny and oppression. It didn’t come quickly, a lot of blood was paid, and it wasn’t perfect. It took a few more skirmishes and one great war between brothers before things started to come together. And to this day we are still going through growing pains. No, this country isn’t perfect. I recall the story of a man who came to live here from Cuba. He felt sorry for us, not because this country was bad or because it was full of strife. He felt bad because if this country failed, there was nowhere for Americans to go. He saw that this was the last refuge, the place of opportunity, where someone can come and have the chance to try again in freedom. So many of us take that for granted. Just a year ago, Britain was going through a tumultuous decision: whether to stay or leave the European Union. The country was split between those who would prefer to do things as a sovereign country without the oversight of the EU, and those who preferred the oversight which afforded them a measure of security. A friend of mine from Chester told me that she now understands the American Revolution. No, she didn’t compare the vote to our war. She simply came to understand that it wasn’t cool to be ruled over by an entity that gave you nothing but required your servitude (taxation without representation, anyone?). I told her it wasn’t too late to go dump boxes of tea into the Thames. Our country is an experiment, a wonderful experiment still growing and still learning. Yes mistakes still happen, and we get things wrong once in a while. But I am so glad we have the freedom to make mistakes, and learn from them.

Happy Birthday, USA.

Tuesday Tipple

As y’all know, I don’t have a lot of luck with gardening. I have been known to kill cacti. Ok, kill plastic cacti. But every year I try to clean up the backyard and beautify it with plants that don’t require a lot of attention (read into that: water). I live in Texas and the Sun has a time share here in the summer. But I am giving it the ol’ college try. Actually, no, because I killed every plant I ever had in my dorm room. So better that I give it a whole new level of effort.

Anyway, all that effort translates into exhaustion, and thirst. One thing you learn living here is what NOT to drink while it’s hot. Nothing heavy, too syrupy, and definitely nothing at room temperature. You want, nay NEED something cold, light, and refreshing. And I found my thrill on limoncello hill.

Limoncello Vodka Collins

  • 2 oz. vodka
  • ยผ oz. limoncello
  • 1 oz. simple syrup (or to taste)
  • 1 oz. fresh lemon juice
  • club soda
  • lemon slices for garnish

In an ice-filled shaker, combine the vodka, limoncello, lemon juice and syrup and shake well. Take the lemon slices and press then against the glass, and fill with ice. Pour the mix into glass, and top with club soda. You can adjust the level of sweetness by cutting back on the simple syrup, since the limoncello is already sweet. You can try it with gin which is the standard for a Tom Collins, and even use a citrus vodka for more flavor. All I know is I am stocking up on lemons and club soda for the summer. I already have the rest ๐Ÿ˜‰

Drink of the Week, Satire Edition

So this happened yesterday, and it has been making the social media rounds like fire in a tire dump soaked in kerosene.

Yeah, ok. It’s funny. I’m not a Trump fan, but it happens and he was probably tired or sleepy. And if I had a dime for every time anyone had a misspelling, I would own Saudi Arabia. I was struck by the similarity to the word “coffee”, that life-giving nectar. Press coffee probably does suck, unless you’re at the White House, and even then it’s not guaranteed to be delicious.

Some stuff I learned about Prez while he was campaigning:

  • doesn’t drink alcohol, coffee, or tea (boo!)
  • likes cherry vanilla ice cream (props!)
  • sold vodka under his brand (wha….?)
  • prefers ginger ale (also props!)

So an idea was born!!!

The Covfefe Cocktail

  • 1 oz. vanilla vodka
  • 1 oz. maraschino liqueur
  • 3 oz. ginger ale
  • boozy cherries*

Pour ice and cherries sporadically into a tall glass. Then pour the vodka and liqueur, and then follow with the ginger ale. Stir to mix. The cherries will seem to be floating among the cubes! And yes, the cherries will hit hard, since they are soaked in vodka.

This was intended as satire, but I would be interested to hear if anyone tries it, too. I’ll be making this tonight and will report back once I wake up from the stupor ๐Ÿ˜‰

*Boozy cherries are easy to make. Just drain half the juice from a jar of cherries and pour vanilla vodka in the jar. Keep in fridge for a few days and then use in your cocktails. You can also use plain vodka.

UPDATE!!

I tried it and it was really good! For those who prefer it less sweet, I would do half and half of ginger ale and club soda. And the cherries were DIVINE with the vanilla vodka. I can eat those alone or on ice cream.

Tuesday Tipple

So, been a while. I am a bit busy lately what with painting and all, but I have been practicing my mixology quite a bit.

Yes, some of it is sweet. Stop rolling y’all’s collective eyes at me.

Anyway, one drink I featured in the previous incarnation of the blog was made famous in Bangkok, at a place called appropriately enough, Aquatini. It’s a favorite drink of mine, and not too sweet, since no simple syrup is involved.

Aquatini

  • 1 part blue curaรงao
  • 1 part citrus vodka
  • splash of sweet and sour mix

Pour all ingredients in an ice-filled shaker. Mix well, and strain into a cocktail glass. Depending on the amount of sweet and sour mix you add, you’ll have a color variation anywhere from sea blue, to sewage green. If you want to avoid the color variation, add ยฝ part lemon juice and ยฝ part simple syrup, more or less to taste.

Y’all know I had to bring in simple syrup somehow ๐Ÿ˜‰