The Drunk

What we need more of in this world is a little bit of God-damned civility. The concept of The Drunk has gotten miserably confused with The Alcoholic or The Partier and this is simply unacceptable. Take a moment and visualize it as a sort of sliding scale with The Partier on one end and The Alcoholic on the other. The Drunk fits nicely between the two.

The Partier is the weekend warrior. He generally reserves his drinking for the weekends and almost always drinks to pass out. Now he may think he drinks to get drunk, but sadly no. From the moment he starts drinking he’s on a non-stop course to unconsciousness or jail. The Partier chooses his drinks by balancing alcohol content against taste and he doesn’t actually like the taste of booze. This invariably leads him to Jägermeister. The Partier is generally seen shouting “Whooooo, let’s do a shot!”. He is entirely too familiar with beer-bongs and keg-stands.

At the other end of the spectrum we have The Alcoholic. This one is fairly self-explanatory. This guy can’t seem to keep his drinking from negative affecting his life. He drinks cheap booze so he can get more alcohol for his dollar so quality is not relevant.

Finally, we get to The Drunk. This is the guy who would like to spend every waking moment moderately intoxicated but does not allow this behavior to negatively affect his relationships or his employment. The Drunk never wastes a moment that he’s not either responsible for someone or something. He is perfectly happy in a bar with friends or strangers or even just sitting alone on his porch as long as he has a drink in his hand. The Drunk not only appreciates the flavors and varieties of liquor but will actively pursue new drinking experiences. He has at least one bartender’s guide and has been known to sit and read it like a novel. The Drunk takes his drinking seriously. He always has at least one bottle each of vodka, gin, tequila, rum, whiskey, bourbon, and scotch. The Drunk also knows how to make an Old Fashioned, a Manhattan, a Martini, and probably even a Tom Collins or a Sidecar.

Me? I’m a Drunk. I’m proud of it and I work at it. What are you ?