Man Law : You can not rat out a friend who show’s up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

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10 things women don’t understand about men

Posted by ArmedGeek on Saturday, September 12, 2009 in Rants

I ran across this via Fark.

1. What is so hard about asking for directions?
Mostly this is an old cliche that has gotten way out of hand. When the proper course of action is to ask for directions, I promise you, we will ask for directions. It isn’t about asking directions though. This highlights a psychological difference between men and women. Men solve problems. Women ask someone else to solve problems. When we run out of possibilities or methods to solve a problem, trust me, we will ask for help. We just obviously don’t give up as quickly as you.

2. Why do you need a gadget to unlock your car door?
I don’t even know what this means. Is there a woman around who can translate this ?

3. What is it about “Star Wars”?
You wouldn’t understand. There is no way to explain this to women. Same as all sci-fi. Women don’t get Bruce Campbell either.

4. And the “bro hug”? Hug it out or don’t hug it out, you know?
No fucking idea. I’ve never actually seen this occur in real life with the exception of the hiphop crowd or frat boys. I am neither.

5. When you keep one seat between you and your buddy at the movies, are you saving room for the holy spirit or what?

Personal space + Armrest == Empty seat between. I got news for the women, if we didn’t know it would piss you off, we’d do the same to you.

6. Why are you so hung up on the bitchy girls?
I don’t know what this means.

7. If you want to break up with us, why don’t you say so?
Personally, I’ve got no issues with saying, “Oh, hey, get the fuck out.” So, I don’t really have any experience with this sort of behavior.

8. Forget about putting the seat down, why don’t you ever change the toilet paper roll?
What is so fucking hard about you putting the fucking seat down ? You leave the fucker down when you’re done right ? So every damned time we go in there we have to put it up, right ? Fuck you and your God-damned toilet seat. On the second note, if you see it empty, refill it. Fuck, do you you think we’re not going to do the same ?

9. Why do you ask for our number if you have no intention of calling?
Usually ? Booze. Which is to say, after replaying the events of last night while sober, you just aren’t that interesting or attractive.

10. Seriously, do you not smell that?
Another one I just don’t get.

Essentially, this is a cliched list of the standard things women comedians bitch about because they think its funny. I assure you, it isn’t.

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Bring on the comments

  1. LC Aggie Sith says:
    September 12, 2009 at 5:42 pm

    1) Tenacious, y’all are. It’s a good thing.

    2) Even I can’t translate that, in any language I speak, not even toddler-speak.

    3) Star Wars was the Epitome (before Lucas fucked it up), second only to 2001: A Space Odyssey, and Bruce Campbell is a fucking GOD.

    4) The “bro-hug” is a way for men to communicate their “sensitivity” to others, thus conveying a message that they “fit it”. Obviously it doesn’t work, since it makes them look *ahem*.

    5) OMG…really?? What kind of fucktardery is that? Of COURSE one needs personal space. Men do NOT watch a movie with their hands on their lap. They need TWO armrests! Jeez…

    6) Ok, I’ll take a stab at this. I think some women think men are attracted to women who tend to complain about the small shit. What these women do NOT understand, is that men don’t LISTEN to them bitch, since they are lovely to look at. I know for a fact a man would not be with a bitchy woman who was ugly, right?

    7) Women think men hem and haw over this. I think men are just trying to put off the inevitable, that being the afore-mentioned bitchiness. If a woman resorts to tears and tantrums, men should consider it an act of terrorism, and just walk away.

    8) Ah, yes…this is a way for a woman to establish Alpha dominance over a man. DO NOT LET HER DO THIS!!! For YEARS women have bitched and moaned about how they are fucking EQUAL to men. Here is the perfect opportunity for them to prove it. If they don’t, they can pee in the bushes.

    9) BINGO!! It is indeed a dumbass bitch that can’t figure that simple connection between a bar, booze, and a number.

    10) This is just their idiotic, round-about way of telling a man that he needs to clean house or shower. Which is just stupid because she wasn’t born smelling like a rose, either.

    Hope that helps!!! Really sorry about #2 ;)

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  2. Nicole says:
    September 12, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    I think LC decoded pretty well. Totally agree w/ #8. We are 2 in my house so 1/2 the time it is up, 1/2 the time it is down. Everyone does their part when they have to use the facilities. :)

    Amen to Bruce “The Chin” Campbell!

    I assumed #10 was referring to farts, which generally get blamed on the dog. :)

    And I agree, Armed Geek – it seems like a standard female comedian list and isn’t funny. It’s just an old list of bitches attempting to hide as humor. Any woman or man worth the time isn’t going to get hung up on any of these petty games.

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