The Drunk
What we need more of in this world is a little bit of God-damned civility. The concept of The Drunk has gotten miserably confused with The Alcoholic or The Partier and this is simply unacceptable. Take a moment and visualize it as a sort of sliding scale with The Partier on one end and The Alcoholic on the other. The Drunk fits nicely between the two.
The Partier is the weekend warrior. He generally reserves his drinking for the weekends and almost always drinks to pass out. Now he may think he drinks to get drunk, but sadly no. From the moment he starts drinking he’s on a non-stop course to unconsciousness or jail. The Partier chooses his drinks by balancing alcohol content against taste and he doesn’t actually like the taste of booze. This invariably leads him to Jägermeister. The Partier is generally seen shouting “Whooooo, let’s do a shot!”. He is entirely too familiar with beer-bongs and keg-stands.
At the other end of the spectrum we have The Alcoholic. This one is fairly self-explanatory. This guy can’t seem to keep his drinking from negative affecting his life. He drinks cheap booze so he can get more alcohol for his dollar so quality is not relevant.
Finally, we get to The Drunk. This is the guy who would like to spend every waking moment moderately intoxicated but does not allow this behavior to negatively affect his relationships or his employment. The Drunk never wastes a moment that he’s not either responsible for someone or something. He is perfectly happy in a bar with friends or strangers or even just sitting alone on his porch as long as he has a drink in his hand. The Drunk not only appreciates the flavors and varieties of liquor but will actively pursue new drinking experiences. He has at least one bartender’s guide and has been known to sit and read it like a novel. The Drunk takes his drinking seriously. He always has at least one bottle each of vodka, gin, tequila, rum, whiskey, bourbon, and scotch. The Drunk also knows how to make an Old Fashioned, a Manhattan, a Martini, and probably even a Tom Collins or a Sidecar.
Me? I’m a Drunk. I’m proud of it and I work at it. What are you ?
Loading ...
Personally, I am none of the above because all alcohol has ever done for me is make my face hot. I have an extremely high un-tolerance for discomfort so I can never get past the initial effects to get to drunk. Plus, almost all the alcohol I have tried tastes like medicine. Which also sets off my un-tolerance for shit that tastes bad. But I did like this post. Good distinctions and it reminded me of one of my favorites, Dean Martin. I think he was a Drunk. And he was totally cool. Also I have read elsewhere that going through life somewhat squiffed helps you avoid being seriously injured in accidents. So this is actually a healthy lifestye.
Well, its a damned shame you can’t enjoy the wonders of booze, but to each his (or her) own.
My personal definition of “cool” was Frank Sinatra but Dean was at least a marginally better actor. Yeah, the whole bunch of them back then were Drunks.
I drank socially – and moderate-to-lightly – all of my adult life until about 10 years ago. I haven’t a clue what happened, but all the sudden I simply really really really didn’t want any alcohol. I’ve been that way ever since. I will (rarely) have a drink – or (even more rarely) two – but only reluctantly.
I haven’t got a thing against drinking, though. I simply lost the taste for it. Maybe it’ll come back some day? Very odd ….
Very odd ….
No, you want to know what’s “odd” ? How a website whose main focus is booze has so many non-drinking readers.
I do drink, but know well my limits.
I do have to agree on the merits of The Drunk, though. In my family back in PR, The Drunk was the arbitrator, the sage, the favorite uncle, and the most dependable.
I feel it is in my best interest of self-preservation to imbibe slowly. Don’t need a rehash of all the family skeletons again.
I appreciate your helpful guide to determining what type of drinker we are. Couldn’t help but notice most of the comments are from non-drinkers, which cleary (to me anyway) means we’re here for the hookers.
Time to create an analysis for that, don’tcha think?
means we’re here for the hookers.
That would make sense if I posted a Hooker more than just once a week (and I probably should) but if it’s all about the hotties then I’d think everyone would be at Assholes & Aardvarks .. The Undisputed King of Underboob.
I haven’t been to A & A, but you also clearly haven’t been to http://www.H8torade.com. His regular collection of “H8torade’s Hoes” is unequaled. That boy certainly likes “teh boobies”.
Well, I like the booze posts. I learn quite a bit, and also encourages me to try new alcoholic libations which I would never think to try.
Oh, and the hookers are like a “Where’s Waldo” for me, right, ArmedGeek?
[...] without further ado, I present my recently accumulated alcohol knowledge. My nod to Hookers & Booze, though these may well fall within the realm of girly [...]