Al Gore, Poet Laureate
As we all know, The Goron published a new tome, worthy of holding up wobbly tables, by the title of “Our Choice”. Unfortunately for the rest of the thinking world, the whole book is devoted to what we must do about the OMGWTFCLIMATECHANGE!!!111ELEVENTY!!!, not about any actual choice we may have as individuals. But this little gem is found within its chapters, right between OMG and WTF:
One thin September soon
A floating continent disappears
In midnight sunVapors rise as
Fever settles on an acid sea
Really?? He can pinpoint with deadly accuracy the month when the seas will boil? Moving along:
Snow glides from the mountain
Ice fathers floods for a season
A hard rain comes quicklyThen dirt is parched
Kindling is placed in the forest
For the lightning’s celebration
You know, Al…we wouldn’t have the whole “kindling” problem if the fucking envirowackos who worship you would let us control it. And as far as “snow gliding”, well, that happens every spring. It’s called a melt, necessary to provide areas with water, oh Moronic One. And the coup de grace:
The shepherd cries
The hour of choosing has arrived
Here are your tools
Ahhhh, now I get it: The Goron is our Shepherd, and we shall not want!!!! Newsflash: WE ARE NOT SHEEP!!!! So, sod off, you Gaia Prophet, and make sure you give that Gulfstream a tune-up, preferably by sucking on the tailpipe.
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Okay, I looked up this book on Amazon dot com, and scrolled down to read the user reviews. There were many reviews that named the piece of shit for what it was and called out Al Gore for spreading mass propaganda.
However, there were some glowing testimonials to Algore, our wise and wonderful prophet who will lead us all to the promised land. Here’s a couple of the nuttier comments from those people:
“Obama chose to focus on Healthcare and the window for a massive and far reaching climate bill has already passed. The best chance for any type of significant reform will have to take place in 2012 and only if Obama is reelected. I won’t hold my breath–although come to think of it if I do that will be a bit less CO2 in the atmosphere…”
Maybe, just maybe, that idiot will hold his breath and free the rest of us from having to deal with that particular brand of cultish lunacy. Here’s another:
“Our Choice is full of good sound information about our choices to save our earth. I am a pediatrician and realize it is one of the most important issues for the health of our children and grandchlidren. I ordered copies to give to each child at Christmas as I think it is an important book. James E Jones MD”
I guess stupidity and cult-like behavior does get handed down through the generations, in some families.
Finally, here’s a comment from a starry-eyed Goreite who doesn’t seem to understand the import of what he wrote:
“For some strange reason there are no footnotes in the book for the sources of information in each chapter.”
LOL
Fantastic, LC.
I had no idea that Captain Carbon’s latest tome was a collection of abysmal haiku. We should enter him in the next Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest.
And I’ll have to steal that shepherd line to use when RC goes for the title of Best Religious Blog.
All I can say is…
What the Fuck????
If the Goricle is going all Japanese on us, with his half assed attempts at haiku, perhaps he will also readily embrace their ancient art of sepuku. But that may be hoping for too much.
Guy,
If Algore ever decides to embrace seppuku, I volunteer to be the one who stands behind him and beheads him after he disembowels himself.
Sources, nowhere are the sources,
Trying to forget the sources of truth.
Glaciers rolling down the mountain,
Trying to forget the sources of truth.
Sources, for all my life I’ll hide them.
I wish I’d never met you, CRU;
You’ll Never Scam Again.
c’mon, sing it with me…
CF, why must you have all the fun??
Howdy, Deb, and thanks for the contribution. Now I can’t get that song outta my head!!!
LMAO!!!!
CF, hey! I thought of it first!!! I should get the “honor”!
(listens as Aggie yells out, “Alright you two, if you can’t behave I am turning this blog around RIGHT NOW!”)
Hmmm,
So Al Bore is attempting Haiku.
If he wants to be Japanese, maybe we’ll get lucky and he’ll attempt Hari-Kari next.
Now THAT would help the environment a Lot. :p
Ok, if we are debasing 70′s “classic gold” …
His name was Al Gore, he was a con-man
With Global Warming as his scare he
professed to realy care.
He won an Oscar and got a Nobel
And while he thought he was a star,
others said he went too far
His carbon credit scam, made him a wealthy
man
But bogus data, clamed as “science”
Has just “hit the fan”
Before, Copen, old Copenhagen
Where Climate Change’s swallowed “verbatum”.
At Copen, old Copenhagen
“tricking the data” (just call it errata)
At Copenhagen … don’t mention “fraud”.
I don’t know what’s worse….Barbra Streisand, or Barry Manilow….
AAAAARRRRGH!!!!!!
Boy, that thread went straigh† to hell.
That’s the kind of music that made me drink my way through the 70s.
Aggie I thought RR was teasing me when he told me to go to your site “Hookers and Booze”.
LOVE IT
cbullitt, be thankful it wasn’t ABBA
Liz, glad to see you here! Yes, I was granted blogging rights in this most awesome corner of the ‘net. Don’t be a stranger!
Cheeks of lard spread wide
Mann-made hockey stick stuffed inside
Algore’s face he now must hide.
OhmyGod. A poetry contest.
Let us see who does it best.
Aggie, so, ABBA, huh?
Off to cook up a parody based on them.
Watch for it!!
If you change your mind, Be the first in line
I’ll give you free
My philosophy
You believe the earth is heating,
let me know
Sorry, I accidentally hit submit on my last post before I was finished with this.
Just for Aggie, here’s an ABBA parody:
READ MY PHILOSOPHY
If you change your mind, Be the first in line
I’ll give you free
My philosophy
You believe the earth is heating, let me know
I’ve got some facts to give you, don’t you know
Oh someday soon when the earth is burning up
Just listen to me
And I’ll set you free
Gonna do my very best to set you straight
Just free your mind and don’t be full of hate
Read my philosophy (All I ask is for your money)
Read my philosophy
Everything’s changing, climate’s getting hotter, and it won’t get better
Listen to my warning, don’t you be ignoring, cause it won’t get better
Now you know I’ve got
A plan for all of us, just get yourself on the bus
It’s all true
The right-wing says I’m wrong, but it won’t be very long
Till they see I’m right
I’m the only one right
If you change your mind, Be the first in line
I’ll give you free
My philosophy
You believe the earth is heating, let me know
I’ve got some facts to give you, don’t you know
Oh someday soon when the earth is burning up
Just listen to me
And I’ll set you free
Gonna do my very best to set you straight
Just free your mind and don’t be full of hate
Read my philosophy (C’mon, read my book, won’ you)
Read my philosophy
Oh, you can’t take your time, buddy, you had better hurry, the heat is gonna kill us
Polar bears are dying, I’m really not lying, the heat is gonna kill us
Let me tell you now
You know I’ve got a plan, to save the world of man,
It’s all true
Some say I’m a waste of time, but don’t get that in your mind
Cause you know I’m right
I’m the only one right
If you change your mind, Be the first in line
I’ll give you free
My philosophy
You believe the earth is heating, let me know
I’ve got some facts to give you, don’t you know
Oh someday soon when the earth is burning up
Just listen to me
And I’ll set you free
Gonna do my very best to set you straight
Just free your mind and don’t be full of hate
Read my philosophy
Read my philosophy
Oh man…..after the Bugs clip I was so happy, and now I got ABBA stuck in my head….
Is there a barfing smiley????
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Not ABBA!!!!
Sheesh what’s next, Donna Summer?