ZURICH - Blues musician Johnny Winter is dead at age 70, according to Zurich police. Although no foul…
Mope gets points for being the first to send news.
"And don't forget: keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars."
British actor Bob Hoskins, whose varied career ranged from noir drama "Mona Lisa" to animated fantasy…
Funny hooker story from Marion County-Ocala, Florida. A hooker with morals? No way!
Pelosi: Today We Pray To St. Joseph The Worker For This “Life-Affirming Legislation”
Here’s the thing: MaDamn Pelosi 1) is praying to a saint, which I find rich in irony in and of itself, and 2) she is praying to the wrong saint. Today is the Feast of St. Joseph, the husband of Mary, who begat the Son of God, Jesus. Pelosi is praying to St. Joseph the Worker, whose feast day is May 1st. WTF kind of Catholic is this dumbass??
And it is patently obvious that MaDamn Pelosi doesn’t recall that no saints in our denomination support any form of abortion. Gawd, she gives humans a bad name.
Trolling around the interwebtubethingy this morning, I found several stories that would benefit from the Aggie Translation Service. First up we had Prez Obama on a so-called diplomatic mission:
Obama to Meet With Netanyahu Next Week Amid Tension Over Settlements
Obama: You gotta stop this, dude.
Netenyahu: Fuck off, weenie.
Next up, we have demigod Joe Arpaio conducting an immigration sweep:
The Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office in Arizona has launched a two-day, countywide crime and immigration sweep that authorities say will focus on drop houses, drug violators and human smuggling vehicles.Four hundred deputies and volunteer posse members are taking part in the patrols. The sweep, which began Thursday, is Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s 14th since early 2008.
Sec. Napolitano: You gotta stop this, dude, right now!!
Sheriff Joe: Fuck off, weenie. I’m a demigod.
Then we have Putin spitting on our esteemed Secretary of State:
Vladimir Putin, Russia’s prime minister, promised on Thursday that Moscow would help Iran complete a civil nuclear power station by this summer, drawing criticism from Hillary Clinton, US secretary of state.
His remarks highlighted the continuing differences between the two powers over how to contain Iran’s nuclear ambitions. Mrs Clinton was visiting Moscow on a trip partly designed to increase the pressure on Tehran by showing America’s unity with Russia.
Sec. Clinton: You gotta stop this, dude! We are supposed to be comrades.
Putin: Fuck off, weenie. I have a chance to make my country the only superpower on this rock, and I’m taking it.
Lastly, we have Vice Prez Biden inserting a shoe store in his maw:
“I’m telling you, you know, pre-existing [conditions], they’re going to be covered. You know we’re going to control the insurance companies,” the vice president said. “You know people aren’t going to lose their health care with their employer like is being advertised.”
Biden said once these provisions take effect and the American people feel the impact, lawmakers who vote “yes” will reap the benefits.
Prez Obama: Biden, will you just STFU??
VP Biden: Fuck off, weenie. I have one lousy job in this administration. It’s stupid, but I’m going to do it!*
I hope that my translation services were adequate. Sometimes it’s hard to decipher what the newsmakers put out.
*- ten points if you know where I swiped that from