Aggie Translates the News
Trolling around the interwebtubethingy this morning, I found several stories that would benefit from the Aggie Translation Service. First up we had Prez Obama on a so-called diplomatic mission:
Obama to Meet With Netanyahu Next Week Amid Tension Over Settlements
Aggie Translation:
Obama: You gotta stop this, dude.
Netenyahu: Fuck off, weenie.
Next up, we have demigod Joe Arpaio conducting an immigration sweep:
The Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office in Arizona has launched a two-day, countywide crime and immigration sweep that authorities say will focus on drop houses, drug violators and human smuggling vehicles.Four hundred deputies and volunteer posse members are taking part in the patrols. The sweep, which began Thursday, is Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s 14th since early 2008.
Aggie Translation:
Sec. Napolitano: You gotta stop this, dude, right now!!
Sheriff Joe: Fuck off, weenie. I’m a demigod.
Then we have Putin spitting on our esteemed Secretary of State:
Vladimir Putin, Russia’s prime minister, promised on Thursday that Moscow would help Iran complete a civil nuclear power station by this summer, drawing criticism from Hillary Clinton, US secretary of state.
His remarks highlighted the continuing differences between the two powers over how to contain Iran’s nuclear ambitions. Mrs Clinton was visiting Moscow on a trip partly designed to increase the pressure on Tehran by showing America’s unity with Russia.
Aggie Translation:
Sec. Clinton: You gotta stop this, dude! We are supposed to be comrades.
Putin: Fuck off, weenie. I have a chance to make my country the only superpower on this rock, and I’m taking it.
Lastly, we have Vice Prez Biden inserting a shoe store in his maw:
“I’m telling you, you know, pre-existing [conditions], they’re going to be covered. You know we’re going to control the insurance companies,” the vice president said. “You know people aren’t going to lose their health care with their employer like is being advertised.”
Biden said once these provisions take effect and the American people feel the impact, lawmakers who vote “yes” will reap the benefits.
Aggie Translation:
Prez Obama: Biden, will you just STFU??
VP Biden: Fuck off, weenie. I have one lousy job in this administration. It’s stupid, but I’m going to do it!*
I hope that my translation services were adequate. Sometimes it’s hard to decipher what the newsmakers put out.
*- ten points if you know where I swiped that from 
Loading ...
*By Grabthar’s Hammer – I believe that was from Galaxy Quest!
Good job – I’d hire you to be my anchor for my No Bullshit News Network.
I freakin’ KNEW Enas would get it
Your translation services are MORE than adequate.
I love Galaxy Quest, btw. It deserved that Hugo Award.
And slightly “altering” another bit of iconage:
“All your Constitutions are belong to us!!”
Spoken over Democrat controlled media outlets, of course. *grin*
“The animal arrived inside-out. And then it exploded.”
GQ is one of 3 movies I shelled out the cash to see in the theatre move than once in my entire lifetime.
And which were the other two, harbqll?
Something tells me Twilight wasn’t one of them
ROTFLMAO…I read Twilight because my then-fifteen-year-old insisted on it. Ugh. I’m grateful that she’s since seen the light. It had to be one of the most vapid novels that I have EVER read, and I hear that the movie is MUCH worse!
WHY would you want to lust after pasty Edward Cullen when you could be reading Pride & Prejudice and Zombies?
Sigh…I know, Elphaba. I have a 14 year old girl *rolling eyes*
I have that book, and Sense and Sensibily and Sea Monsters, and next up:
ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X58RPS665V0
Come to think of it, I would love to read a passage of Lincoln killing Edward Cullen….
ROFL!!!
‘Four stakes and seven vamps ago, …”
The other two were 6th Sense (and don’t try to tell me that one didn’t skullfuck you the first time you saw it).
And, (I’m almost ashamed to say) Titanic. I had 3 girlfriends at the time, and had to take each one to see it. I had to sit through that blubbery snooze-fest THREE TIMES.
The shit I used to do to get laid…
P&P&Z – awesome book.
Damn….just, damn…. the men will be very jealous
I have yet to see Titanic. Can’t stand DiCaprio. The Sixth Sense is a great movie, though. I’ll put it on at least once a month.
Used to???
I had to go to Aggie’s wedding to get laid!!!