Laying a Little Pipe Down…
Scouring the blogs, as I am wont to do, I found a particularly delish story at Lemur King’s site. Seems the Brits have a new way of dealing with stressed workers: sniff bottled fresh air. According to the National Trust, each jar can relieve stress for ten minutes. Frankly, I think they are better off stepping outside for free and breathing air instead of running the risk of getting a fine for not properly disposing of the jar. But that’s neither here nor there (for now). What really caught my eye was the top story in the Weird section:
Man’s Penis Freed From Metal Pipe With Industrial Grinder
Tell me the title alone doesn’t hurt. Docs at the local hospital had to call in the fire department to give the bloke a bit of relief, until he saw what the firemen were going to use.
The firefighters used the four-and-a-half-inch industrial metal grinder to cut the pipe from around the anaesthetised man’s penis.
This is a pic of an industrial grinder at work:
I can feel y’all flinching all the way to Texas.
Update [ArmedGeek]: When I read the thing about the bottled fresh air, I couldn’t help but think of this:
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Uh, fucking ouch!
I think I’d have a fucking heart attack if they said they were going to use that to get my johnson freed.
However, what is really startling about this story is this:
How in the fuck did he get his willy stuck in a metal pipe, and WHY??
I mean, what the holy fuck??!!
The bloke never did tell the NHS…. maybe he was minding his own business, when he tripped and fell on a pipe which had been left conveniently vertical?
Ha! I love the use of the ‘hitting-the-pipe’ tag.
Maybe he was just having a … wait for it … pipe dream?
I heard tell of a patient who got the closed-end of a box wrench on his… uh… member. When passion swelled he found that at some point what as formerly kinky kind of started to hurt. Then he realized that the hurt was a gift he couldn’t return because he couldn’t remove it.
It took a nurse going to the local hardware store for hacksaw blades and a long session of meticulous cutting to remove it. The wrench, that is.
(1) it wasn’t me
(2) it is absolutely true
(3) I know the doc who had to remove it and I saw (ha-ha) the leftover pieces
Thank you for the inclusion of Brooks, ArmedGeek. God I love Mel Brooks. A genius with contributions beyond reckoning.
“Igor… help me with the bags…”
“You use your lips purtier than a $20 whore.”
“Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.”
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. ”
Don’t take my word for it… listen to the man himself…
“I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I’m one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.”
ArmedGeek, you must have read my mind! First thing I thought of was Mel Brooks
Well, it was right there!!
LK, that is a serious WTF, on seven levels and three shades of wrong.
Did the poor guy have anesthesia??
And yes, Mel Brooks is a demigod
Well… doesn’t a certain percentage of the male of the species figure that almost everything is a valid mating object? I once knew a guy who screwed a coffee table while drunk…
Nicole – did you ever read “Portnoy’s Complaint” by Philip Roth?
Steamboat, I never liked liver before that book, and liked it even less afterwords. As for those who like their “just deserts”, there is always “American Pie”.
No, McGoo, and now I’m curious.
The poor guy was just trying to clean his pipes and didn’t have plumber’s snake handy.
At least he didn’t pull the bone-headed move that this idiot did a few years ago (Yes, it was in FL), when he decided to make amorous advances towards a hotel swimming pool’s jet nozzle.