Headlines
Man Robs Bank Armed with McDonald's Apple Pies
Police Arrest Naked Man Found Covered in Peanut Butter & Chocolate
Man Dies After Swallowing Dentures During Sex
'Soul Train' creator Don Cornelius dead
James Farentino dies at 73
White Castle Considers Offering Beer and Wine(I thought is where people went when already drunk)
America is Drunk(someone needs to slap Dr. Keith Ablow or buy him a drink or two)
Occupiers Pissing on Churches Housing Them (Literally)
Pelosi Doubles Down on Stupid
Pelosi: Today We Pray To St. Joseph The Worker For This “Life-Affirming Legislation”
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMWetHDwSuw
Here’s the thing: MaDamn Pelosi 1) is praying to a saint, which I find rich in irony in and of itself, and 2) she is praying to the wrong saint. Today is the Feast of St. Joseph, the husband of Mary, who begat the Son of God, Jesus. Pelosi is praying to St. Joseph the Worker, whose feast day is May 1st. WTF kind of Catholic is this dumbass??
And it is patently obvious that MaDamn Pelosi doesn’t recall that no saints in our denomination support any form of abortion. Gawd, she gives humans a bad name.
Aggie Translates the News
Trolling around the interwebtubethingy this morning, I found several stories that would benefit from the Aggie Translation Service. First up we had Prez Obama on a so-called diplomatic mission:
Obama to Meet With Netanyahu Next Week Amid Tension Over Settlements
Aggie Translation:
Obama: You gotta stop this, dude.
Netenyahu: Fuck off, weenie.
Next up, we have demigod Joe Arpaio conducting an immigration sweep:
The Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office in Arizona has launched a two-day, countywide crime and immigration sweep that authorities say will focus on drop houses, drug violators and human smuggling vehicles.Four hundred deputies and volunteer posse members are taking part in the patrols. The sweep, which began Thursday, is Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s 14th since early 2008.
Aggie Translation:
Sec. Napolitano: You gotta stop this, dude, right now!!
Sheriff Joe: Fuck off, weenie. I’m a demigod.
Then we have Putin spitting on our esteemed Secretary of State:
Vladimir Putin, Russia’s prime minister, promised on Thursday that Moscow would help Iran complete a civil nuclear power station by this summer, drawing criticism from Hillary Clinton, US secretary of state.
His remarks highlighted the continuing differences between the two powers over how to contain Iran’s nuclear ambitions. Mrs Clinton was visiting Moscow on a trip partly designed to increase the pressure on Tehran by showing America’s unity with Russia.
Aggie Translation:
Sec. Clinton: You gotta stop this, dude! We are supposed to be comrades.
Putin: Fuck off, weenie. I have a chance to make my country the only superpower on this rock, and I’m taking it.
Lastly, we have Vice Prez Biden inserting a shoe store in his maw:
“I’m telling you, you know, pre-existing [conditions], they’re going to be covered. You know we’re going to control the insurance companies,” the vice president said. “You know people aren’t going to lose their health care with their employer like is being advertised.”
Biden said once these provisions take effect and the American people feel the impact, lawmakers who vote “yes” will reap the benefits.
Aggie Translation:
Prez Obama: Biden, will you just STFU??
VP Biden: Fuck off, weenie. I have one lousy job in this administration. It’s stupid, but I’m going to do it!*
I hope that my translation services were adequate. Sometimes it’s hard to decipher what the newsmakers put out.
*- ten points if you know where I swiped that from 
AoSHQ is all over Obamacare
Ace and his cohorts are all over Obamacare this week. If you aren’t over there every day, you really should be.
Links:
CBO Health Care Numbers Are In And Democrats Are Pleased
Bumped and Updated
“The Congressional Budget Office has confirmed that there is currently no official cost estimate. Yet House Democrats are touting to the press – and spinning for partisan gain – numbers that have not been released and are impossible to confirm.
Nomentum: Michael Arcuri (D-NY) Flips from Yes to No
Fox Poll: Opposition to ObamaCare Hits 55%; Sixty Five Percent Say “Do Nothing” or “Start Over”
Senator Coburn: I’ve Got News For You: If You Sell Your Vote for Earmarks or a Federal Posting, I’m Going to Block It in the Senate As Bribery
Democrats Band Together To Approve of Slaughter House Rule, 222-203
Rumors: Two House Democrats Already Promised Administration Positions?
Maybe Tom “Don’t Screw With This” Coburn had some specific folks in mind when he said House Democrats who walk the plank for ObamaCare shouldn’t expect cushy landings in the Executive Branch.
Also, keep and eye on Gabriel Malor’s posts over there, he’s their resident legal geek and has really been on top of the count of who’s voting how.
That Two-Timing Guttersnipe!
First, she is caught cuddling up to the staff of the chief. And now this:
What an inpudent trollop!!! Rahm is crying in his hairgel, I’m sure. Care to caption?
Interesting Post
[Insightful commentary on current events]
Witty Caption
[Humorous observation]
Booze of the Week
Update below the jump
In honor of St Patrick’s Day ….
Weekend Hooker
In celebration of Spring….
Enjoy the weekend!!!
Laying a Little Pipe Down…
Scouring the blogs, as I am wont to do, I found a particularly delish story at Lemur King’s site. Seems the Brits have a new way of dealing with stressed workers: sniff bottled fresh air. According to the National Trust, each jar can relieve stress for ten minutes. Frankly, I think they are better off stepping outside for free and breathing air instead of running the risk of getting a fine for not properly disposing of the jar. But that’s neither here nor there (for now). What really caught my eye was the top story in the Weird section:
Man’s Penis Freed From Metal Pipe With Industrial Grinder
Tell me the title alone doesn’t hurt. Docs at the local hospital had to call in the fire department to give the bloke a bit of relief, until he saw what the firemen were going to use.
The firefighters used the four-and-a-half-inch industrial metal grinder to cut the pipe from around the anaesthetised man’s penis.
This is a pic of an industrial grinder at work:
I can feel y’all flinching all the way to Texas.
Sin City
I watched this again last night. I’d not actually seen it since it was new and had really forgotten what an absolutely kickass movie this is.
Frodo was one creepy goddamn bastard
Neil Stevens is wrong.
From Redstate.com:
It doesn’t even cross their minds that we might ask Google not to build the database to begin with, because it’s a basic law of databases that they can always be put to another purpose.
I can’t argue with the sentiment. Google creeps me out more every day. The problem is that Redstate.com uses Google Analytics. They effectively tell Google every time you visit their site.
When this is pointed out by commenters, the response is .. well,
You are spreading outright falsehoods through your repeated assertion that the data we’re talking about is from httpd logs.
And combined with your radical pacifist ranting before, I’ve had it with you.
Hit the contact form if you feel you’ve been wronged.
and …
You can’t be this stupid
…
I’d rather everyone get along, but I’ll settle for everyone united in hating me for being a jerky moderator.
Sorry, Neil, you are the moron here. Here’s the thing: Webserver logs tell me an awful lot about what goes on here. Once you leave my site I’ve no idea where you go or what you do. Now, if everyone hands this data over to a single entity (Google in this case), then they can plot your course across the internet. Enough logs and they can tell, when and where you work, where you live, given enough data they could tell you what time you take lunch.
The reason server logs are not dangerous is NOT because there’s not enough information in them, it is because the information is split up amongst thousands of different places.
In the interest of full disclosure, I used Google Analytics here for a few days. It made me feel dirty so I removed it. I use Awstats.
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