Headlines
Man Robs Bank Armed with McDonald's Apple Pies
Police Arrest Naked Man Found Covered in Peanut Butter & Chocolate
Man Dies After Swallowing Dentures During Sex
'Soul Train' creator Don Cornelius dead
James Farentino dies at 73
White Castle Considers Offering Beer and Wine(I thought is where people went when already drunk)
America is Drunk(someone needs to slap Dr. Keith Ablow or buy him a drink or two)
Occupiers Pissing on Churches Housing Them (Literally)
Conversations
Sometimes it pays to stay in bed. Take today, for example. My mom calls from my sister’s house and asks if I have extra lightbulbs. I didn’t have the kind she needed, so off I went to Lowe’s. As I stand in front of the wall of bulbs, an employee comes to my aid:
Employee: Good morning. Can I help you find what you need?
Me: I just need a box of clear 40 watt lightbulbs.
Employee: We carry the new CFL bulbs, but they don’t come in clear.
Me: I don’t want CFLs, thanks, just plain.
Employee: Well, CFLs save you money in the long run, and last longer.
Me: I need them for my glass chewing act, and I don’t think ingesting mercury is in my best interest.
Employee: …….
Me: Oh, here they are. Thanks for your help!
After paying for them, I took them to my mom, who lamented the fact that I was not properly dressed to go out anywhere:
Mom: You went to the store like that?
Me: Yes….is this a trick question?
Mom: Who saw you?
Me: Uh, the salespeople….
Mom: Well, you should have worn nice clothes, and make-up.
Me: I was at LOWE’S!!
Mom: You’re almost 4?*. You need to take better care of your looks.
Me: ……..
This is not really bad, though. My MIL called last night and laid a guilt trip on me for not calling during tropical storm Hermine to let her know we were ok. I told her I would have called after the storm, but it was no good. Logic is her enemy. She once told her kids to vacuum the floor before a hurricane hit, because she wanted the floodwater to be clean. I just waited until I could have a large glass of wine. I deserved one last night, and by Deity, I’ll deserve one tonight.
* Let me pretend to care about divulging my age 
L.A. La Land
Only in L.A. would a cop defending himself would be a cause for a riot:
Police Chief Charlie Beck pleaded for calm and vowed his department would conduct an exhaustive investigation into a bicycle officer’s fatal shooting of a drunken day laborer with a knife.
But his words did little to dissuade demonstrators, who spilled into the streets for a second straight night Tuesday -- some to pray and light candles and others to pelt a police station near downtown Los Angeles with eggs, rocks, and bottles.
Day laborer?? With a knife? Just how peaceful were his intentions?
Guatemalan immigrant Manuel Jamines, 37, was shot twice by a police officer Sunday afternoon near MacArthur Park, a poor neighborhood packed with recent immigrants from Central America.
In other words, a slum.
Beck said the incident involving Jamines started when someone flagged down three bicycle officers to tell them a man was threatening people with a knife.
So, the guy was threatening people with a weapon? Isn’t that against the law even in L.A.?
The officers approached the suspect and told him in Spanish and English to put down the weapon. Instead, Jamines raised the knife above his head and lunged at Officer Frank Hernandez, a 13-year veteran of the department.
Multiple civilian, police and even fire department personnel witnessed the exchange. Officer Hernandez had no choice but to defend himself against a lethal attack. Seems pretty open and shut to me.
[Jaminez] came to the United States six years ago to find work as a day laborer and spent most of his time looking for jobs in a Home Depot parking lot near his home.
Translation: ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT. Nice try, My Way News, but we the informed citizenry know code. His cousin claimed in the interview that Mr. Jaminez was “a friendly, hardworking man who liked to drink on the weekends but wasn’t violent.” So, what was he doing pulling a knife on people, then? Offering a free haircut?
At least one immigrant gets it:
“It’s bad, what the police did, but what’s worse is the silly stuff that people were doing here,” [Juana Neri] said, referring to Monday’s violence. “We are not in our country, and with the problems that Hispanic immigrants have these days, it’s better not to cause problems.”
But hey, as long as the illegals riot and make demands, the citizens of this country will awaken and start pushing back. So, keep on rioting, L.A. You do have a talent for it. Just one question: at what point will you realize that harboring illegals is becoming too expensive/ dangerous/ destructive to your environs?
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