Conversations
Sometimes it pays to stay in bed. Take today, for example. My mom calls from my sister’s house and asks if I have extra lightbulbs. I didn’t have the kind she needed, so off I went to Lowe’s. As I stand in front of the wall of bulbs, an employee comes to my aid:
Employee: Good morning. Can I help you find what you need?
Me: I just need a box of clear 40 watt lightbulbs.
Employee: We carry the new CFL bulbs, but they don’t come in clear.
Me: I don’t want CFLs, thanks, just plain.
Employee: Well, CFLs save you money in the long run, and last longer.
Me: I need them for my glass chewing act, and I don’t think ingesting mercury is in my best interest.
Employee: …….
Me: Oh, here they are. Thanks for your help!
After paying for them, I took them to my mom, who lamented the fact that I was not properly dressed to go out anywhere:
Mom: You went to the store like that?
Me: Yes….is this a trick question?
Mom: Who saw you?
Me: Uh, the salespeople….
Mom: Well, you should have worn nice clothes, and make-up.
Me: I was at LOWE’S!!
Mom: You’re almost 4?*. You need to take better care of your looks.
Me: ……..
This is not really bad, though. My MIL called last night and laid a guilt trip on me for not calling during tropical storm Hermine to let her know we were ok. I told her I would have called after the storm, but it was no good. Logic is her enemy. She once told her kids to vacuum the floor before a hurricane hit, because she wanted the floodwater to be clean. I just waited until I could have a large glass of wine. I deserved one last night, and by Deity, I’ll deserve one tonight.
* Let me pretend to care about divulging my age 
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It’s kinda like being told to wear clean underwear in case you’re ever in a bad accident… If you’re in a bad accident, chances are you’re gonna shit your pants anyways.
And that’s why you keep the clean undies in the glove compartment
Right beside the loaded gun and condoms.
Can we use that excuse when the significant other finds woman’s undies in the glove compartment ?
Safety first. Good for you.
Wow. Neither my mother nor my MIL have ever said anything like those.
Please call me before I go into the hospital, just to be sure I am ok. Thanks.
The only thing my mom would say about my appearance was when I was a teenager and I would be leaving for a date. I’d go “Mom, does my make-up look alright?’ and she’d say “You look like a cheap whore” and I’d go “So it’s okay, huh?” and she’d say “Yes, have a good time.” Like that.
Hm…I didn’t date in my teens, but I can see the obvious support she provided for you
Sis….she also said to turn down the radio cause it was heating the house.
I was saving that one
Talk about CLASSIC!!!
I don’t remember anything my parents said to me before I left home (guy, kid: like that.) It was all, “Noise, noise, noise, noise, Dinner! Noise, noise noise… ”
And now? I call ‘em up and make appropriate noises. “U-huh. Really? Well that’s nice” etc.
I’m The Good Son.
*heh*
almost 40 ?!? thats not a bad thing Aggie.
hilljohnny, I passed 40 a while back. That question mark lets me pretend I care about my age
What a riot!! Ahem.
Laugh it up, fuzzball
The radio was heating the house? That is hilarious.
Ags, the line you gave the sales clerk about glass chewing, why can’t I ever think of great things like that on the fly, when it’s needed, instead of 4 hours later?
I think I was channelling Laura, mel. She needs to hold a conference. Or maybe a seance.
I would attend either one, for sure.
Heh! So would I