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Sep 21

Sports Opera

Posted by LC Aggie Sith on Wednesday, September 21, 2011 in *spit* BCS, Football, Total Bullshit

Good lord… I am the last person to think of herself as a football aficionado, but then again, they are acting more like a plot twist in As the Stomach Churns:

The Pac-12 decided it won’t expand further late Tuesday because commissioner Larry Scott failed to get assurance that Texas would back an equal revenue sharing plan if the league added the Longhorns, Oklahoma, Texas Tech and Oklahoma State, a source with direct knowledge told

You know what I liked most about the Big 12 Conference? The fact that they used this as their theme song:

Sesame Street Pinball Song, sung by the Pointer Sisters, no less. Brought back memories and made us all nostalgic, and ergo, made us get over the fact that there was no longer a Southwest Conference.

And just as things were going well, t.u. (AKA, University of Texas), decided to fuck it up for everybody. How? They partnered with ESPN to have their very own Longhorn Network. A move one can only describe as “dicky”. Such a partnership gives them a decided edge on recruitment opportunities in high schools, to say the least, not to mention the amount of money that the network would generate for t.u.

Well, as you can surmise, there was no way Texas A&M was going to let that slide. This is how I imagined it went:

A&M: How could you just cut the rest of us out like that??

t.u.: What? It’s just a little money, baby…nothing to get worked over.

A&M: A little money?? YOU WHORE!!!

t.u.: You melodramatic bimbo! Get over yourself.

A&M: Excuse me??? I’m not the one that just buttfucked the whole conference here!

t.u.: The other teams will understand.

OU: The fuck we will. Nice having that whole rivalry with you. Good luck finding an audience to compete with what you just gave up.

Baylor: Look, you just have to deal with it, like we are, A&M.

A&M: Fuck that on a stick with sauce! I’m leaving, and y’all can’t stop me!!

OSU: Wait… we go where OU goes, so…wtf, over?

Baylor: Don’t go!! I will FIGHT to keep you here!!

TTech: So, do we stay or do we go to the Pac 12?

Pac 12: Nope, y’all can’t come over because t.u. is too greedy and won’t play by our rules.

t.u.: Fuck y’all!! I’m going independent, so there.

TTech: I think the Big 9 has a nice ring to it… (starts crying in his beer).

What a bunch of wankers fucktards*….

*changed due to David’s suggestion :D