Headlines
Man Robs Bank Armed with McDonald's Apple Pies
Police Arrest Naked Man Found Covered in Peanut Butter & Chocolate
Man Dies After Swallowing Dentures During Sex
'Soul Train' creator Don Cornelius dead
James Farentino dies at 73
White Castle Considers Offering Beer and Wine(I thought is where people went when already drunk)
America is Drunk(someone needs to slap Dr. Keith Ablow or buy him a drink or two)
Occupiers Pissing on Churches Housing Them (Literally)
Merry Christmas, Y’all!!
We hope that you have a wonderful Christmas!!
May you be blessed in the coming year, and thank you all for making H&B a fun place to be 
Obviously Not Two Front Teeth
I love Christmas. I love Hanukkah. I even love the paganism of Winter Solstice. I love giving at this time of year, in charity, to friends and neighbors, to family, and even to some I’ve never met before, but consider friends all the same. I love walking into a store and perusing for the one thing that screams a recipient’s name, or making my own gift for a special person.
I just do not get the overblown, overpriced, one-of-a-kind useless gift that some people with money to burn will buy.
One year, the Neiman Marcus catalog had a (I’m not kidding here) Longhorn Steer Portable Desk. The desk was the average size of a Longhorn steer, and had wheels hidden under the “hooves” so you, the wealthy rancher, could roll it out to the pasture and do business while being cleverly disguised from your herd. The price on that tomfoolery was $65,000.
That was the price in 1984.
Of course, we are all familiar with the Victoria’s Secret Fantasy Bra™. The 2010 edition was worth only $2 million:
That bra wasn’t all that spectacular. What’s in it sure is, but the bra, not so much. I much prefer this year’s entry into the Fantasy Bra That Will Never Sell™ category:
Why?? Because PEARLS!!! And Miranda Kerr looks happy compared to Adriana Lima, who always looks so damn angry, probably because her bra is too tight.
Any other ostentatious gifts that boggle the mind? If you know of any, leave links in your comments so we all can laugh and laugh 
No Coal For YOU!
Well, it’s that time of year again. The time when people everywhere are scrambling around to get their Christmas gift shopping done before the inevitable “What did you get me??” moment sets in. There is nothing attractive about someone with a deer-in-the-headlights look on their face. Especially when it’s your significant other who should know better by now.
Moving on (before a tirade sets in), here is a gift guide for the holiday that will hopefully make things easy….well, easier….ok, not get anyone in trouble.
As a general rule, women hate getting clothing for Christmas, unless they get to pick it out themselves. Sometimes our significant others tend to buy the wrong size. This is a losing situation for them: too small, and we cry about needing a bigger size, or too big, and we cry because they think we are fat. But PJs are different!! The only thing men have to remember is what kind to get. Trust me, you do not want to get a hankie with straps at Victoria’s Secret when your beloved prefers 7 oz weight flannel.
Or vice versa.
Anyway, you can’t go wrong with a PajamaGram. They have beautiful PJs in different styles, and all of them come in a sweet hatbox. You can even have the PJs personalized.
Comfy and cute! And warm…very warm!! And you can wear these all day. Total win!!
Another good gift to give is the gift of scent. Trust me when I say that a woman is more apt to be impressed by a bottle of perfume than by a car deodorizer, ok? However, a man can’t just pick something willy-nilly and think he’s going to get kudos. Tresór by Lancôme may be the second best selling perfume in the world, but that doesn’t mean it will smell like it on her skin. Perusing her vanity table and paying attention to what she wears is crucial here. If that isn’t a possibility, then go out of this world to get her something special!
Zen perfume was synthesized from the scent of roses that were sent up to the space station. Turns out, the scent of roses change when in zero gravity. Yes, I want to grow roses in zero gravity now. What??
Of course, some of y’all will just be too terrified about picking the wrong thing, be it clothing or perfume. In this case I say, go for the bling. Jewelry never fails, as long as it’s not a gangster emblem hanging from a huge chain. That’s just tacky. Necklaces and bracelets are always a safe bet, because you don’t need to know sizes for rings, or if she has pierced ears (you should know these things by now, but I will cut you some slack here). A very popular trend right now is the charm bracelet. Some, like Pandora™ and Trollbeads™, tend to be very pricey, but there are other options that are more affordable, like Brighton. They have a huge selection of charms, which makes making a unique personalized bracelet very easy.
Just remember to pay attention to her favorite things, and you can’t go wrong!
Hope you enjoyed shopping with Aggie. The next instalment will be Blood, Sweat, and Tears. Also known as Valentine’s Day 
*Crossposted at Sithy Things.
The Last One
Today marks the end of an era. The traditional rivalry between Texas A&M University and University of Texas will play their last game this evening. There’s a lot of history between the schools, and suffice it to say, some of it is….not too pretty. But all things, good or bad, come to an end.
By the way, just who is watching The Longhorn Network??
Video hat tip to LC Draco.
Happy Veterans Day!
To all who have served, and to those who still serve.
We here at H&B give you thanks for your service and all the sacrifices you made along the way. Please feel free to share any stories about your time in the service in the comments, past or present.
And hoist a beer in your honor
From the Halls of Monteczuma
To the shores of Tripoli!!!
You look wonderful for being 236 years old.
HOOAH!!!
And Because I Wrote About the Fwench…
I give you this.
Now, make sure you get your fill of tricks today
Halloweenin’
I love this holiday. It is the one day of the year when I can wear the most ridiculous stuff, and no one questions my sanity, or my lack of fashion sense. This is the one day when it is perfectly fine to gorge on candy and sweets, and drink it all down with BOOZE*. Ok, you can do that everyday, but it’s more fun on Halloween.
This year, Little One suggested I dress up as a ladybug. The thought of being a round insect gave me pause. Eldest suggested I wear a toga, but I did that last year, and I hate repeating. Son suggested I go as homicidal maniac, since the look just like everyone else. And he has a point. But making my own costume is 50% of the fun. Well, 75% if I do make-up.
So, my sweet swilling friends, what is the best costume ever, and are you playing dress-up?
Remembering
Last Friday, I overheard a woman speaking to her friend how she just didn’t understand why we don’t move on and not think about 9/11/01 any more. To her, it was just so long ago, and we should just put it behind us. I admit, I was very angry. Forgetting is the first step in repeating, after all. But 9/11 was not “long ago”. Not when you have a gaping hole still seeping in the middle of New York City, one that wounds the Nation’s soul. A gaping hole that keeps being salted by the likes of political correctness. I ask you, how can you forget about this:
Courtesy of XbradTC
Remembering gives us hope. Remembering gives us a goal. Remembering honors those who were killed, and those who died to protect us.
Forgetting lets the terrorists win.
Crossposted in part at Sithy Things.
Independence Day
Like most of you, I have read the Declaration of Independence a few times. And at the end of the Preamble, there is this:
But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.
That is my favorite part, the one quote that lies at the heart of what the Declaration means. There are some that choose to forget what this means, and there are others that fight for it, everyday.
There will come a time when we will need to throw off despotism, and provide new guards for our future security. History has taught us this: that she will repeat herself as long as ignorance abounds like putrescent mold upon the fabric of time.
Though this post is somber in thought, I hope you celebrate our country’s independence with joy, and much laughter, and while you are looking up to the heavens enjoying the fireworks, give a thought to the men and women who have sacrificed so much for our freedoms.
Long may she wave
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