Remakes and Reboots
I hate them all.
As an avowed Trekkie™ (yes, TREKKIE. I hated TNG with a passion of three burning Betelgeuses), I am not thrilled at the whole prospect of the Star Trek reboot, much less the new flick. I’m sorry, I just can NOT deal with it. I know, I know…. not very open-minded of me. Whatever…. I am open-minded about what counts, like Steak Tartare and UGGs.
And now they have gone and remade The Evil Dead.
What the SHIT, people??
There are certain movies with which you do NOT fuck!! Gone With The Wind, Citizen Kane, shit, even that racist tripe Birth of a Nation should never, ever be remade. Oh, don’t think I didn’t see what they did with The Wizard of Oz. They knew they couldn’t remake it, so they did the next best thing: tell the story from a different point of view. Whatever. My point is, some things you just LEAVE THE FUCK ALONE!!!
What remakes or reboots have offended your sensibilities lately?? 
Pass the Popcorn
I love old movies. There was a certain gallantry and finesse to them, no matter what the genre. It didn’t matter if it was Sink the Bismarck or Destry Rides Again or even Glen or Glenda. The celluloid was magical. It helped to suspend the disbelief, and give my imagination a new venue in which to flourish.
No, not with Glen or Glenda. I have my limits.
Anyway, a few days ago, I watched one of the newer “Fill-in-the-blank of the Dead”s. The idea behind it was to scare the ever living crap out of people, but I was just disgusted. All it was, was gore. I see enough of that on the Discovery Channel™. If a filmmaker wishes to scare people, he should think about the psyche, not the butcher’s table. To this day, Psycho is one of the scariest films ever made, in my humble opinion. Hell, Alfred Hitchcock knew the psyche very well. He tormented Tippy Hedren on and off the screen to the point of ruining her life! I will never watch The Birds again. And don’t get me started on Rebecca.
That’s not to say I don’t appreciate bloody scenes. My favorite director when it comes to spraying blood everywhere has to be Akira Kurosawa. The blood spurting from the decapitated bodies in Ran was cinematic artistry.
And how do you like your scary movies??
The Oscars, or Time to Watch Paint Dry
Tonight is that awards show of awards shows, the Academy Awards. This is the award given to those who their peers consider as having delivered the performance of a lifetime, or rather the previous ten months, really.
Fred Astaire never won.
Marilyn Monroe never won.
Peter O’Toole never won.
Cary Grant never won.
Some may have received the Lifetime Achievement Award for “sticking around long enough”. But they never won a competitive award. And that’s what counts to those myopic, fishbowl-living, Brown Derby-styling celebutardic actors. Frankly, I like to call it the Meyer Awards. Let’s face it: it’s a bunch of weenies full of bologna.
It’s too bad I gave up booze for Lent. It would have been a nice drinking game every time someone brought up some libtardic talking point in their winning speech
Movie: Crazy Heart
This is a great film. Jeff Bridges plays a burned out, alcoholic country singer on his last leg. The trailer above is a tiny bit misleading as while the movie does feature a romance it is not exactly as central to the movie as it seems although it is pivotal in Blake’s (Bridges) story.
The movie is based on a book that was originally intended as a story about Merle Haggard but gaining the rights to Haggard’s life story were a bit hard to lock down, it became a more generic story with Blake’s character being more of a collage of Haggard, Kristopherson and Waylon Jennings.
I think the more generic, old-school, has-been country singer made for a better movie (I’ve not read the book).
The point here is, Bridges makes this movie. The story itself is not a new story, not a new perspective and there’s no twist or anything terribly unexpected. The actors here are what make this movie great. Bridges, Gyllenhaal and even Colin Farrell make this film what it is.
Oh, and who knew Bridges and Farrell could sing?
Underrated Movie – Slither
If you’ve not seen it, put it on your to-do list.
This movie is a classic horror with humor sprinkled in from the good old days.
While it does have a sad lack of boobies but more than makes up for it with the laughs and lots of “eeeeewwwww” moments.
One scene has probably the creepiest little girl since The Ring.
Oh, and it also stars this guy:
Worst Movie Ever
No, I did not watch that today. I have seen it though and it remains the worse movie I’ve ever seen. I did however watch Highlander 2 which is very nearly as bad. This got me thinking of really bad movies.
There are bad movies. There are stupid movies. But sometimes there is a movie so bad that is has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. No great lines. No boobs. Not a single scene that shouldn’t have been cut. This is one of those movies.
What is the worst movie you’ve ever seen?
Three Movies
30 Minutes or Less is about a slacker pizza delivery guy who gets forced to rob a bank. The reviews of the movie aren’t great and if I paid $10 to see it in a theater I might agree. I didn’t. I Netflixed it. I thought it was decent. Not great and certainly not a movie you’ll remember in 2 years but it was funny and certainly worth the price of a rental.
The Green Lantern is another movie that got less than great reviews. Again, this might not have been worth the price of a theater ticket, but is certainly worth the price of a rental. Bonus: You get to watch Tim Robbins die a horrible death.
This was 102 minutes of my life I really wish I could get back. I didn’t think much of the first one and this is much much worse. Not only do I not recommend seeing this pile of shit, but if someone invites you to watch it, come up with some excuse. Your time would be better spent sitting at home and staring at the walls.
Bonus Hooker:
Movie: Field of Dreams
Aside from being probably one of the great feel-good movies ever made, it also features probably the most supportive wife ever portrayed in a movie.
Its a very rare moment when she shows doubt in her husband.
I’ve heard people say that Doc Graham got fucked. When Ray’s little girl fell and Moonlight Graham had to leave the field to save her. He couldn’t go back. Well, he lived his dream. He wanted to bat against a big league pitcher which he did. He also made statements to suggest that he believed being a doctor was more important than being a ball player.
In addition to everything else, an aging hippie who has come to realize his dad is not the bad guy he thought he was, gets to take it all back and play catch with his dad.
Anyhow, excellent movie in both concept and execution.
We all know Kevin Costner can’t act.
“Is this heaven?” ….. “No. It’s Iowa.”
From Dream to Screen
Just watch:
It stars Joel Murray, younger brother of Bill, and written and directed by Bobcat Goldthwait. I haven’t seen Kickass yet, but it has the same flavor, just darker and richer. Like a very good cup of coffee.
Incensed Avifauna
I don’t play Angry Birds, but my brother and I have a running joke about it. He is fanatical and sends pics of anything to do with that game. Some are obvious, and others subtle, but all are damn funny.
The Audubon take:
The Therapy take:
And my personal favorite, the Hitchcock take:
Yes, even the Angry Birds take on Hitchcock’s The Birds gives me the willies. I can’t help it!!
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