Headlines
Man Robs Bank Armed with McDonald's Apple Pies
Police Arrest Naked Man Found Covered in Peanut Butter & Chocolate
Man Dies After Swallowing Dentures During Sex
'Soul Train' creator Don Cornelius dead
James Farentino dies at 73
White Castle Considers Offering Beer and Wine(I thought is where people went when already drunk)
America is Drunk(someone needs to slap Dr. Keith Ablow or buy him a drink or two)
Occupiers Pissing on Churches Housing Them (Literally)
BLING!!!
Spring has sprung, and like Nicole’s penchant for pretty shoes, Spring for me means bling. Tacky, lustrous bling that will probably see the light of day or the lights in a ballroom once or twice. As Hubby can attest, for me, jewelry doesn’t have to be expensive of tasteful to put a smile on my face. If I could get away with it, I would totally wear a tiara while picking up the kids from school.
Anyway, since Spring is here, I thought I would cheer myself up a bit, with some WOW!
- Can also work as a pretty brass knucle
Yep, big and tasteless and I love it. It’s also a dark, deep red, so more suited for a prostitute evening wear.
And then, I thought of the Holiday Ball, and how I always try to make a statement with jewelry, instead of a dress. I keep the dress plain, to be comfortable while dancing, so it always needs a little something:
Jonesing
A few days ago, I was emailing with the Boss. Not Springsteen. I wouldn’t give that idiot the time of day if we were standing on the Greenwich Meridian. By “Boss” I mean ArmedGeek. Anyway, he was having an off day as to posting something for y’all, and said something I took to heart. Something I had jokingly asked about a loooooog time ago, that he had nixed. He wrote:
I’m desperate enough to let you post about your shoes.
He said THAT!!! Ok, he knows better what he wrote, but the words “desperate”, “post” and “shoes” were all in there. I’m sure of it. Now, y’all know (obviously) that I have a thing for PJs, and I have a thing for chocolate (who doesn’t), and I have a thing for bubblebaths (STOP JUDGING ME!!). But what most of y’all don’t know, is that I also have a thing for shoes. Not just any shoes, though. I could care less about sneakers, or sandals, or the regular, everyday shoes we wear. I have a Jones for black heels. I lurve a sexy pair of black heels that I can never wear out. Why? Because I seldom go out. I’m a homebody for the most part, and when I do go out, the term “family-friendly” is in effect. And getting all gussied up is pointless around here. But, the love of black heels is strong…
Teh Sexeh
A truly perilous heel, right there 
So, what do y’all have a Jones over? I bet I’m not the only gal with a love for shoes around here. Hell, I bet there are a couple of guys, too. Well, maybe not…
Old Man Winter
…. can bite my ass. Once again, we are under freezing conditions, blustery winds, and sleet in my part of South Texas. This time it’s not snow, but ice, and I would rather have the snow. And y’all know how I feel about snow. I swear, if Teh Goron shows his fat face in this state, there will be a lynching.
Anyway, I was picking up the kids yesterday, and Sean Hannity was on the radio, hocking Pajamagrams. If you recall from last year’s Valentine Shopping post, I recommended them. I still do. I’m a pajama freak. Moving on, Hannity was talking about a new type of PJ that the company had, the Hoodie Footie. my first thought was, “WTF is that?”, but that was quickly overridden by the second, more pressing thought, “How fast can I get to my laptop to look that up??” Well, a few minutes later I got home from doing 40 in a 25 picking up the Little One, and researched the wondrous PJ:
Hear that? Yes, that's my name this PJ is screaming...
So yes, I got myself this PJ as my treat for Valentine’s Day/ Mardi Gras/ Easter/ fill-in-any-holiday, and I can flip a serious bird to Old Man Winter.
Aggie- 1, Winter- 0
Ties That Bind
I am blessed. Very, very blessed. I have a strong faith in God, a wonderful family, great friends of both meatspace and cyberspace varietals. My warm-blooded pets adore me, and the cold-blooded ones haven’t grown big enough to consider me dinner. I have a home, food on the table, clothes on my back (they are a bit tight right now, but the buttons don’t strain…much). But I have a blessing that I share with y’all, but in a different scale. And lately that blessing has become a source of rancor in my rather large extended family. That blessing is being an American.
These colors don't run. And go with everything.
I lived in Puerto Rico until the summer of 1976. I knew very little of American History, so imagine my surprise when everything, and I mean everything was red, white, and blue. I only knew three or four words in English, but I learned it in less than a year. The threat of being sent back to live with my grandmother was a great motivator. My family assimilated into the American culture, even though we lived in a predominantly Mexican-American area, about 20 miles from the border from Mexico. For a time we lived in a house that was right by the railroad tracks. And yes, we would see illegal immigrants travelling along those tracks, and come to the backyard to drink from the garden hose. Back then, they would never have bothered us. Nowadays, no one is so sure. No matter what, my parents insisted we learn the American way of doing things, while keeping honest to our Puerto Rican roots. We were no longer living on that tiny island. There were different rules, and we lived by them. THIS is how one assimilates. And I never, ever had a problem reconciling both sides of the coin. Until now.
Abject Apologies
I am so sorry I have not had the time to post anything, not even a video to pass the time. I have had guests non-stop in Casa de Aggie since the 22nd of December, not to mention my family gathering on the 25th, and the exodus to the Valley and back on the 26th, and will be hosting the inlaws this coming weekend until the next. Hubby has been getting ready to deploy, and I am helping him with last minute stuff, such as getting paperwork, uniforms, civilian clothing, etc. Being strong for the kids is also taking a toll on us, but there is no other option, right? So, I shall strive to keep a good sense of humor, even when things are a bit rough. Speaking of sense of humor:
Courtesy of Michael at Innocent Bystanders
Thanks for your patience!!! *MUAH*
Medical Horror Stories…
…I haz none. Really. I have racked my brain trying to come up with something like Mel or like Curtal Friar. I think Mel is going to win this challenge, if “winning” is the right word! I have given birth three times, and though I opted to not have an epidural with the girls, I was forced to with my son. That rotten bastard of a quack doctor insisted. I was bent in half and the fucker broke three needles trying to get it in because he was too stupid to listen to me when I was wheezing to him to stop because HOLY FUCK I HAVE FUSED LUMBARS ASSHOLE!!! Anyway, even that experience pales in comparison to Mel’s. I have never broken a bone; I don’t have allergies; I have only been in a couple of accidents and luckily, not bad ones; aside childbirth I’ve only had one surgical procedure, and it was a day patient one at that.
As I type this, I get the feeling I am totally jinxing my life. FFFFUUUUUU……… Thanks a lot, Mel!
They Say It’s Your Birthday!!!
Yes, yes it was 
And I had a great day! Family and friends called constantly, interrupting me all day, wanting to wish me a happy birthday. Usually I try to forget/ erase my birthdays. Something always goes wrong. One year my parents totally forgot for three days. My sisters have mistaken the date. My brother….well, he’s a bit busy living his life, but he remembers, especially when his mom gives him a reminder call. Anyway, since ArmedGeek gave me admin priviledges, I figure I can abuse them once in a while, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
It’s the least I can do for y’all
Boozing and Bitching
Well, this morning started not so smoothly. Getting a call from one of your kids’ teachers is not conducive to starting one’s day on a happy note. Problem resolved, but the aftertaste of that is still with me, and affected my day in small ways. I yelled at my dogs for begging while I was fixing breakfast. I yelled at the TV while they were talking about a robbery in Michigan that resulted in school lockdowns. I yelled at my cell phone because it was staticky. In short, I was short in stature and temper today. So, how does one get that awful mood out of one’s system? Usually I go shopping, but Christmas is coming, so I can’t indulge in crap for me. Eating is out, since I have Halloween parties and Thanksgiving coming up, and that’s deadly enough. Oh, right…. BOOZE!!!!!!
Yes, booze does have calories, and yes, overindulging can lead to unpleasant aches in the morning. Booze can also be a crap shoot because you may feel the want to try something new, and be severely disappointed, like buying Lucky Lager beer because the label “spoke” to you, and finding that it tastes like horse piss strained through a sweatsock. TRUE STORY!!! Not my story, but true, nonetheless. Booze can be a great facilitator, like while cooking with wine, sometimes you’ll be inspired to put it in the dish you are creating. GOOD TIMES!!! So, it can be fun. I tend to limit myself to one drink whenever I indulge, so it has to be enjoyable. Since I’m not in the mood to experiment with anything, I’m sticking to my standard:
I'll be drinking one, but seeing three after I'm done.
I do prefer darker beers. Actually, I prefer to have a good day so as not to need one. But I’ll need one tonight. Otherwise tomorrow’s OT might be a bit bitchy
IMPORTANT UPDATE!!!111ELEVENTY!!!: (more…)
Challenge of the Sith
About a year back, ArmedGeek was kind enough to post some honest things about himself, in answer to a challenge from C Monster. I remember reading that and thinking to myself (since I was afraid to comment anything on that thread) “Holy shit!!!” But in retrospect it was a fun read, and we learned a lot about our host here 
Anyway, what’s good for the goose is certainly good for the gander, right? Besides, perusing the headlines today was futile, and Open Thread Friday is not until, well, Friday. So, here goes my exercise in stupidity:
1) I was not a chocolate addict until well into my thirties. SHAME!!!! To think I wasted so much damn chocolate….
2) I am very fond of owls. I don’t know why, but I do know Harry Potter had nothing to do with it.
3) I do enjoy libations and the art of the cocktail, but tend to be a lightweight. Skeletons pour themselves out of the closet.
4) I have been known to yell at traffic. I yell at traffic lights, even traffic signs. Not pretty.
5) My parents named me after a movie character. It could have been worse. They had seen Carmen at the theater, and I would not wish to be named after that backstabbing two-timing bitch.
6) My favorite book is Wuthering Heights. I cry every single time I read it, too.
7) I hide behind my hair…. my feeble attempt to keep my secret identity secret.
8 ) I don’t like ketchup. No, I’m not a communist…though it can be argued those who do like ketchup are commies because that stuff is RED.
9) I have to have coffee in the morning, otherwise I get…. cranky. And by “cranky” I mean “Linda Blair.”
10) I have moles on my back, and several form the Big Dipper.
So there you have it: ten strange factoids about Aggie. Anyone else care to take up the gauntlet?? Anyone? BUELLER???
Conversations
Sometimes it pays to stay in bed. Take today, for example. My mom calls from my sister’s house and asks if I have extra lightbulbs. I didn’t have the kind she needed, so off I went to Lowe’s. As I stand in front of the wall of bulbs, an employee comes to my aid:
Employee: Good morning. Can I help you find what you need?
Me: I just need a box of clear 40 watt lightbulbs.
Employee: We carry the new CFL bulbs, but they don’t come in clear.
Me: I don’t want CFLs, thanks, just plain.
Employee: Well, CFLs save you money in the long run, and last longer.
Me: I need them for my glass chewing act, and I don’t think ingesting mercury is in my best interest.
Employee: …….
Me: Oh, here they are. Thanks for your help!
After paying for them, I took them to my mom, who lamented the fact that I was not properly dressed to go out anywhere:
Mom: You went to the store like that?
Me: Yes….is this a trick question?
Mom: Who saw you?
Me: Uh, the salespeople….
Mom: Well, you should have worn nice clothes, and make-up.
Me: I was at LOWE’S!!
Mom: You’re almost 4?*. You need to take better care of your looks.
Me: ……..
This is not really bad, though. My MIL called last night and laid a guilt trip on me for not calling during tropical storm Hermine to let her know we were ok. I told her I would have called after the storm, but it was no good. Logic is her enemy. She once told her kids to vacuum the floor before a hurricane hit, because she wanted the floodwater to be clean. I just waited until I could have a large glass of wine. I deserved one last night, and by Deity, I’ll deserve one tonight.
* Let me pretend to care about divulging my age
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