Headlines
Man Robs Bank Armed with McDonald's Apple Pies
Police Arrest Naked Man Found Covered in Peanut Butter & Chocolate
Man Dies After Swallowing Dentures During Sex
'Soul Train' creator Don Cornelius dead
James Farentino dies at 73
White Castle Considers Offering Beer and Wine(I thought is where people went when already drunk)
America is Drunk(someone needs to slap Dr. Keith Ablow or buy him a drink or two)
Occupiers Pissing on Churches Housing Them (Literally)
RAAAAAAAAAAAACIST!!!
I bet that got y’all attention, huh? I know we are all tired of that crap. That card was totally maxed out by the Prez and the media. But damn, some things are just too damn funny to pass up. I remember my first month in college, I was walking down the hall in my dorm, when I was “accosted” by another gal who lived on my floor (no, it wasn’t “mine”, sheesh…). This was our brief conversation:
Gal: You’re Mexican, aren’t you?
Me:….. Excuse me?
Gal: You’re Mexican, right?
Me: No…. (confusion was setting in)
Gal: Well, you’re not white.
Me: No, I’m not (by this time I was totally flummoxed)
Gal: Then what are you?
Me: I’m Puerto Rican.
Gal: Oh! Isn’t that near New York?
Me: Yes…yes, it is.
That was back in the mid-80s. She was not the easiest person to like, mostly because she had an elitist attitude and that shit doesn’t fly well at Texas A&M. Anyway, all of us have been the recipient of racism in one form or another. So, have at it during this racist Open Thread!!
Under My Skin
I am a very patient and tolerant person. Ok, I use the word tolerant loosely here, because y’all know I can’t abide wilful stupidity. But I will tolerate pretty much anything, within reason. But like any human being I have some pet peeves. I was at school taking meds for my eldest, when a young man walked into the nurse’s office. He had his pants down past his ass, and dragging on the floor. I looked at him and said “Nice pants”, to which he replied, “Yeah, thanks.” I pinned him with my patented Sith Look of Doom, and asked, “Do they even teach sarcasm anymore? You look like a convict.” The look on his face was awesome, but not nearly as cool as the look on the nurse’s face. I think she wanted to hug me. Or kiss me, but I’m not into that scene.
So, that’s one of my pet peeves among many. What are some of y’all’s pet peeves?? I hate feeling a hair inside my shirt. I hate having one fingernail shorter than the rest. And OMG!!!! I hate having someone at some store fucking assume I speak Spanish and address me in my native tongue. I live in the UNITED STATES!!!! Gawd…. And with this rant I declare Friday’s Peevish Open Thread!!! 
Conversations
Sometimes it pays to stay in bed. Take today, for example. My mom calls from my sister’s house and asks if I have extra lightbulbs. I didn’t have the kind she needed, so off I went to Lowe’s. As I stand in front of the wall of bulbs, an employee comes to my aid:
Employee: Good morning. Can I help you find what you need?
Me: I just need a box of clear 40 watt lightbulbs.
Employee: We carry the new CFL bulbs, but they don’t come in clear.
Me: I don’t want CFLs, thanks, just plain.
Employee: Well, CFLs save you money in the long run, and last longer.
Me: I need them for my glass chewing act, and I don’t think ingesting mercury is in my best interest.
Employee: …….
Me: Oh, here they are. Thanks for your help!
After paying for them, I took them to my mom, who lamented the fact that I was not properly dressed to go out anywhere:
Mom: You went to the store like that?
Me: Yes….is this a trick question?
Mom: Who saw you?
Me: Uh, the salespeople….
Mom: Well, you should have worn nice clothes, and make-up.
Me: I was at LOWE’S!!
Mom: You’re almost 4?*. You need to take better care of your looks.
Me: ……..
This is not really bad, though. My MIL called last night and laid a guilt trip on me for not calling during tropical storm Hermine to let her know we were ok. I told her I would have called after the storm, but it was no good. Logic is her enemy. She once told her kids to vacuum the floor before a hurricane hit, because she wanted the floodwater to be clean. I just waited until I could have a large glass of wine. I deserved one last night, and by Deity, I’ll deserve one tonight.
* Let me pretend to care about divulging my age 
Communication
I’m not married. Even when I was married, I wasn’t really married.
I do watch a lot of movies and TV shows. Generally most of their problems can be solved via communication. Is this lack of communication just faked for the effect or do couples actually operate this way ?
Example: 40 year old couple, married for 15-20 years, one teenager one almost teen, woman gets knocked up ….. is each honest about what they want ? Do you tell the partner what you think they want to hear, or do you tell them what you feel ?
What secrets do you keep ? When you were just married, what secrets did you keep ?
I Really Didn’t Need to Know….
…..that Al Gore is a “crazed sex poodle”.
…..that a former (and there’s a reason for her being “former”) stripper is attempting to rip off the Naked Cowboy.
…..that weight gain is problematic in lemurs.
…..that George Soros now believes he is in charge of the EMU.
…..that the guy who helped eradicate smallpox from the world is predicting humanity’s extinction. Thanks a heap.
…..that the Zombie Apocalypse started, and apparently it was fake. Fucker….
…..that there is a tarantula cocktail. No, really.
…..that there is an Helen Thomas Award for journalistic excellence. No, really.
You’re welcome
Random Drive-Bys
GREETINGS FROM THE RANDOM STUFF GENERATOR
Prez Obama has been rather stoic when it comes to the oil spill crisis in the Gulf of Mexico, the high unemployment, the battle to secure the borders, the economy…. but a Rolling Stone article on General McChrystal which criticizes our Ear Leader sends him into spittles of fury. I guess he found the ass that needed kicking.
Once you take the step to informally declare your city a “sanctuary” city, you should be prepared for the consequences. The city of Maywood, CA, will be laying off all city employees and dismantling their police department, choosing to save money by contracting all services to L.A. and Bell. This should come as no surprise to the council, seing as 50% of the 97% “Latino” population of the town is “undocumented” *spit*.
The Federal government has decided to ban the the dredging of sand to build berms to block the oil. Their reason: F&W is concerned about the ecological impact. I guess the morons were absent from school the day they covered oil spills in Ecology 101, and don’t watch any Dawn dishwashing liquid commercials.
Over at the Puffy Ho, we have Frank Schaeffer calling for the “eradication” of fundamentalist religions. And by “fundamentalist religions” he means Christianity and Judaism. He says, “the [Holy] Bible is nuts in many places. Who follows this stuff? No one!”, which should come as a surprise to the 76% of Americans that consider themselves Christian. I suppose he got fed up with Christians strapping bombs and going splodey in marketplaces.
Over Down Under, Australian Prime Minister Kevin “I’m a Leftist Tool” Rudd called for a leadership vote after his deputy PM Julia “I’m a Bigger Leftist Tool” Gilliard challenged him for the leadership of the government. This comes right before the G 20 meeting in Canada, and a few months before the Australian national elections. It’s a Celebrity Deathmatch, and the loser will be Australia.
And lastly, Prez Obama finally found something that was “less offensive” than the bust of Sir Winston Churchill that he packed off to the British Embassy. As Hank Scorpio replied when he saw it:
Well, it’s accurate. Shit floats.
Y’all have a great week
How stupid do you have to be to be ‘suprised’ ?
One thing that really gets me pissed off is these motherfuckers crying about how they had no idea Obama was a socialist boob.
This guy has a better way with words than I:
Listen up, you punked, chumped boobs: We looked at Obama not through your rose colored hallucinations, but through the cold, clear spectacles of reality. None of what he’s done since has surprised us one bit. In fact, many of us, myself included, predicted it even before his coronation by people like you. Yes, it’s nice that after a year and a half of horrible examples, the truth about him is finally beginning to penetrate your skulls. But why, for the love of god, couldn’t you see it at the beginning, when it was no less obvious, but your understanding of it might have done some good?
Abuse of a law in Texas
Public Intoxication. It doesn’t mean what you think it does. It doesn’t even mean what most police officers think it does. It is probably the most misused and abused laws in the state of Texas.
On another blog somewhere (don’t recall where) on a discussion of Texas law a commenter mentioned that you can be arrested for being drunk in a bar. In a way this is true. In practice it is even more true. However, it generally isn’t legal.
So here it is. Section 49.02 of the Texas Penal Code.
Sec. 49.02. PUBLIC INTOXICATION. (a) A person commits an offense if the person appears in a public place while intoxicated to the degree that the person may endanger the person or another.
(a-1) For the purposes of this section, a premises licensed or permitted under the Alcoholic Beverage Code is a public place.
(b) It is a defense to prosecution under this section that the alcohol or other substance was administered for therapeutic purposes and as a part of the person’s professional medical treatment by a licensed physician.
(c) Except as provided by Subsection (e), an offense under this section is a Class C misdemeanor.
(d) An offense under this section is not a lesser included offense under Section 49.04.
(e) An offense under this section committed by a person younger than 21 years of age is punishable in the same manner as if the minor committed an offense to which Section 106.071, Alcoholic Beverage Code, applies.
Ok this bit “For the purposes of this section, a premises licensed or permitted under the Alcoholic Beverage Code is a public place.” pretty well means any place that can sell alcohol. It just specifies that bars are included in “public”.
The important bit is this:
A person commits an offense if the person appears in a public place while intoxicated to the degree that the person may endanger the person or another.
Read that. Read it again. One more time. All of Texas law is written pretty much the same. “A person commits an offense if ….“. Everything after the if is what I was taught in the police academy as “elements of the offense”. A person has to meet all of the elements of an offense to be deemed “committing” the offense.
Police in Texas tend to ignore the bold part. The bold part is actually the more important part of the law.
The intent of the Public Intoxication law in Texas is NOT to outlaw being drunk in a public place. The intent is to protect the drunk and those around the drunk. Simply put, if you are not posing a danger to yourself or others, YOU ARE NOT COMMITTING PUBLIC INTOXICATION.
If you are not exhibiting behavior that could lead a police officer to believe that you pose a danger to yourself or others … YOU ARE NOT BREAKING THE LAW!
If you are arrested for Public Intoxication in Texas the one question you should be asking the arresting officer in court is, “What about my behavior that day/night led you to believe I posed a danger to myself or others?”
This does not get near enough attention. Calls/letters could even be written to your local police chief or district attorney pointing this out and asking why so many unlawful arrests are allowed under this statute.
One last note: No, I did not get arrested for Public Intoxication. This is just a pet peeve of mine.
source: Texas Statutes website.
Never Let a Crisis Go to Waste….
….unless you need a vacation. At least, according to the administration. The Prez is spending Memorial Day weekend in Chicago:
The news that President Barack Obama and his family will return to Chicago for the Memorial Day weekend has triggered a guessing game.Where will they dine? What will they do for fun? With the Sox on the road and the Blackhawks skating into the Stanley Cup finals, might the first family ditch its predictable pastimes — basketball, golf and tennis — and go to the United Center for hockey?
Yes, you read that right: he is skipping Arlington National Cemetery on Memorial Day. It’s rather odd how the media is silent on the fact that this is his second vacation in as many months, and by “odd” I mean “expected.” Personally, I’m glad he won’t be sullying the memory of those interred at Arlington with his presence (and I want him to attend the Blackhawks game. I want to see those motherpussbuckets crash and burn, but I digress). But as CiC, it is his job to be there. As a way of placating those who know what Memorial Day stands for, he will be participating at a ceremony at Abraham Lincoln National Cemetery, south of Chicago, leaving VP Biden to do the honors at Arlington.
It must be extremely exhausting watching the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, bashing Arizona, redistributing income, watching the Dow take a dive, and trying to appease every tinpot ruler in the world. So many crises to choose from, and so little time….
Neil Stevens is wrong.
From Redstate.com:
It doesn’t even cross their minds that we might ask Google not to build the database to begin with, because it’s a basic law of databases that they can always be put to another purpose.
I can’t argue with the sentiment. Google creeps me out more every day. The problem is that Redstate.com uses Google Analytics. They effectively tell Google every time you visit their site.
When this is pointed out by commenters, the response is .. well,
You are spreading outright falsehoods through your repeated assertion that the data we’re talking about is from httpd logs.
And combined with your radical pacifist ranting before, I’ve had it with you.
Hit the contact form if you feel you’ve been wronged.
and …
You can’t be this stupid
…
I’d rather everyone get along, but I’ll settle for everyone united in hating me for being a jerky moderator.
Sorry, Neil, you are the moron here. Here’s the thing: Webserver logs tell me an awful lot about what goes on here. Once you leave my site I’ve no idea where you go or what you do. Now, if everyone hands this data over to a single entity (Google in this case), then they can plot your course across the internet. Enough logs and they can tell, when and where you work, where you live, given enough data they could tell you what time you take lunch.
The reason server logs are not dangerous is NOT because there’s not enough information in them, it is because the information is split up amongst thousands of different places.
In the interest of full disclosure, I used Google Analytics here for a few days. It made me feel dirty so I removed it. I use Awstats.
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