Tuesday Tipple

Welcome to the Drink of the Week. I’m not sure if this qualifies as a girlie drink. It’s pretty due to the addition of grenadine, but color isn’t the only qualifier for that. But since it was created in France during the American Prohibition, it’s a very gray area.

The Scofflaw

  • 2 oz. bourbon
  • 1 oz. dry vermouth
  • ¼ oz. lemon juice
  • ½ oz. grenadine
  • 2 dashes orange bitters

Pour ingredients into an shaker with ice. Shake well, and strain into a glass. I prefer to use fresh lemon juice, and Patron Citronge instead of orange bitters. And because I like sweet, I add just a wee bit of simple syrup. Either way, this is best enjoyed while watching a romantic movie, like The Revenant 😉

Drink of the Week

Good news: this is a drink you can eat with a spoon.

Bad news: you need a blender to make it.

This week’s offering is an easy one, even though yes, you need a blender to make it. It’s a Brazilian adaptation of a popular tropical drink called batida. Batida means “blended” in Spanish. YES, YOU NEED A BLENDER!!!

Batida de Mango

  • 2 oz. Cachaςa (you can substitute white rum)
  • 4 oz. fresh chopped mango
  • 2 Tbsp. granulated sugar
  • 1 C. crushed ice

Pour all ingredients in a blender. Blend on high, or puree, or liquefy, whatever, until smooth. Pour into a wineglass or a cocktail glass. Garnish with additional mango and a few sprigs of mint. Depending on the mango-to-ice ratio, you can spoon this like a dessert, or drinking like a smoothie. Either way, the Cachaςa will make it very refreshing 😉

Cinema Veridoom: The Breed

Howdy, and welcome to H&B’s flick review of The Breed, starring Michelle Rodriguez. First, sorry I was away last week. I had surgery and I decided to take it easy because I am really good at that. Second, I wish I had written last week, because I was hopped on Tylenol 3 and y’all know I am a lightweight when it comes to meds. The review would have been EPIC!!! That said, I have beer and am ready to be revolted.

Opening credits lists this as a Wes Craven production. Props!!

Movie begins with a couple sailing and apparently lost at sea. They come to a small island and decide to moor their boat/yacht/dinghy and go explore. The island is very woodsy, so of course the gal goes in shorts and a bikini top and sweater. She goes off on her own, thus breaking the first rule of horror flicks. She comes across an enclosure and senses some…creature. She screams, she runs, she is hunted down. She broke the first rule, so buh bye.

Cue the cast. College kids played by actors in their 30s. And not just college kids, but RICH ones. Why? Because the one flying the plane and his brother inherited a house on the island from their uncle. Oh, did I mention the college kid is flying his own plane? Because of course (disclosure: a friend of mine in college knew how to fly a plane, but didn’t own one). The land the seaplane and trek up to the house which is immaculate inside. No dust inside at all and the electricity and water run, even. The brothers go out to explore and find their uncle’s car in the shed, covered in dust and yet, runs perfect. *drinks*

Blonde chick making margaritas in kitchen with Fifth Wheel when the fuse blows. But kitchen lights stay on. Because continuity. Time to go to the basement! At least they employ the Buddy System, which the sailing chick opted to forgo with consequences. Meanwhile Michelle is sauntering upstairs in her cute halter top and is accosted by her boyfriend Bro 2, the brother of the guy she dumped, by the way. DRAMA FORESHADOWING. So they neck a little, explore the attic a little, and….they are now in swimwear and on the roof watching Bro 1 rig the zip line rope so he can –you guessed it!– zip and plunge into the bay. Michelle is all, “I got climbing rope! The hemp is crap!” and Bro 1 is all “YOLO!!” and zips down and she is content knowing she picked the more sensible, grounded brother. Who ironically is ON THE ROOF WITH HER.

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Drink of the Week

Well, the whole cutesy name thing I was going for on the blog was rather….cutesy, so I went back to our regularly scheduled titles. Less confusion and frankly, LESS CUTESY. Anyway, today’s libation comes by way of Woodford Reserve™. As I’ve grown older, I have grown to appreciate the complex flavor of bourbon more.

Me drinking bourbon at 25: OMFG!! IT FEELS LIKE I’M DRINKING GASOLINE ON FIRE!!!

Me drinking bourbon at 50: Dayum, baby. Where have you been all my drinking life??

Now, I do tend to sip it slowly, and it does take me a while to finish bourbon served neat. But in a cocktail? I drink it like Water of Life.

Boulevardier

  • 1½ oz. Woodford Reserve™ bourbon
  • 1 oz. Italian aperitif, like Cinzano™ or Campari™
  • 1 oz. sweet vermouth
  • orange peel

Add all liquid ingredients to a mixing glass. Add ice, and stir gently until cold. Strain into a cocktail glass, and twist the orange peel to release oils in the cocktail, dropping into drink to infuse. Enjoy the melding of flavors slowly and marvel at the awesomeness that is bourbon 😉

Cinema Veridoom: The Eves

Howdy and welcome to today’s feature, The Eves. The title threw me off a bit, because I kept thinking elves instead. The film is about a group of college kids on their way to Spring Break at the beach, when car trouble strands them in the backwoods of Texas. Now, I’ve never done the Spring Break thing, but most people tend to travel on major highways on the way to Padre Island, not FM 884. I’m thinking the only reason this doesn’t take place in Arkansas was budget limitations.

Got fleece PJs and wine at the ready!!

Intro: Old guy is filling a syringe. You think maybe diabetes, but no. He is drugging cans of Lone Star beer. Either he is up to no good, or there is not enough alcohol in Lone Star (which sadly, is true). He begins to stack then one by freakin’ one in the fridge. Labels out for product placement! He comes out to the living room to find a flannel-shirted dude holding a knife. And…..cue the door closing. Like we don’t know old guy is toast.

Eight college kids driving down FM road (Farm to Market). Guy with video camera is more interested in filming vast tracts of female lands than anything. Driver pulls off the road because SUV is overheating. Everyone debarks and begins to explore. Only thing missing is banjos *drinks*

Oh, look…. an abandoned church!! Nothing bad ever happens in those. At least the guys go inside together. Safety in numbers, and all that. Spooking each other is all fun and everything, but hey, Spring Break awaits. Time to skedaddle. Over to the gals, who need a pottie break. In the woods. Of course one of them hears something. Spooked, they go back to the SUV just in time to see a sheriff’s car drive up. Cue asshole deputy and Good Ol’ Boy sheriff. Deputy jerks them around for a bit, then gives them directions to a lodge where they can find water. Then he gets back into his cruiser….wait….he has ANTLERS on the dashboard?? I don’t think wine will cut it tonight.

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Cinema Veridoom of the Week

Welcome to drunk blogging with Aggie, a new feature about bad movies. I have been remiss about blogging here, there, and everywhere. They say blogging is like riding a bicycle, but what they don’t tell you is that you are riding it backwards.

On a tightrope.

Through rings of fire.

Tonight’s feature is Dire Wolf, starring Maxwell Caufield, with special appearance by Gil Gerard. First, let me just say Caufield has aged very, very well. Gerard has…..aged. I guess that whole Buck Rogers effect didn’t work too well after all. Whatever, I have an Elderflower Sour, so let’s begin.

Movie begins with a research assistant during late shift. She notices an alarm and calls the security guard to go check. He sees the door to the “experiment” open, and calls up to let her know. Because apparently sounding an alarm is just passé. He draws his weapon, but too late. And you know the research chick is next.

Holy hell, the blood spraying is like something out of a Kurosawa movie. Props!

Minus 10,372 points for the Party City Wolfman costume, though. *drinks*

Ooooh…Caufield. He’s the sheriff. He also suffers from OCD and Shawn Syndrome (Psych reference). Dude notices everything: guy in the wrong chair, person not at the diner. Tries to train his foster son the game warden in the ways of the Mountain Jedi.

And…Gil Gerard. As a Colonel in charge of the “program”, henceforth named Operation Wolfie. He sends out two agents to find out why no one is picking up the phone at the remote facility on top of the convenient hill. Me? I would have sent a shitload of people because if my research peeps aren’t answering the red phone, serious shit is getting real.

Oh HAI HUNTER!!! Wolfie gets down and decides hunter would make a tasty trea— wait, WTH?? He kills the dude and doesn’t bother eating him? Possible vegan wolf.

Sheriff has a bug up his ass about the guard that didn’t show up to the diner. So he has to go look up at the facility. Meanwhile, warden is patrolling the area and warns the campers, of which his ex is one, to stay put because of possible random shooting. Which yeah! Hunter’s rifle!! *drinks again*

Ooooh, agents are at facility. Blood and guts but again, NO EATING!! Honestly, what the hell kind of monster is this?

Agents find doc and researcher sheltered in place. Traumatized by the very thing they made because HOW CAN A WOLF AND HUMAN BREED GO WRONG?? Sheeee-it…. *drinks* Continue Reading