Not money! Fifteen million dollars. Money is what you take to the grocery store. It’s what you get out of an ATM. Fifteen million dollars isn’t money. It’s a motive with a universal adapter on it. — Joe Sarno (James Caan), The Way of the Gun

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Apr 18

Piss Off, and Gargle Vinegar

Posted by LC Aggie Sith on Friday, April 18, 2014 in AssHatery, Idiotarians, Politics, Rants, terrorism, Total Bullshit

One never knows what will set a woman off.

I was minding my own business yesterday, shopping for a dreaded dress to wear for my niece’s wedding (because she has told me in no uncertain terms no black, white, or dark colors. That leaves my entire closet out), when I hear a news clip about Senator Harry Reid (D- Nevada) calling those who stood with rancher Cliven Bundy “domestic terrorists“.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said he believes the supporters who rallied around Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy in his fight against the federal government are “domestic terrorists” and Bundy does not respect his country.

Searching for a dress didn’t make me upset. Getting caught in a storm didn’t get me upset. Having to cater to my youngest because she doesn’t like my cooking didn’t get me upset. Being honked at by an impatient person who wanted my parking slot didn’t get me upset. Having five Mexican nationals cut in front of me at a store pretending they didn’t see me there and snickering about getting away with “cheating the gringa” didn’t get me upset.

Don’t worry. I called them on it. And smiled while doing so.

But this? This elitist dickwrinkle telling me that people who stand in opposition to more government control are domestic terrorists???

reid arrogance

Listen, you disgusting excuse for pig offal, you are an elected official. You’re not royalty and the people of Nevada are not your subjects.

THEY ARE YOUR BOSSES.

YOU ARE THEIR SERVANT.

This is supposed to be a government of the people, for the people, and by the people. You seem to think it is a government for your personal use, to increase your graft and power over those who “don’t know any better”. Unlike you, you perverted whey-faced ass boil, the people still recall that. And because they know this bloated, debt-ridden government came with limits, and they have the utter nerve to call you on it, you decide they are terrorists? Words have meaning, you canker. Your ideological side has embraced the words of that illustrious Nobel Piss Prize winner, Yasser Arafat: one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter. Remember that, you twisted scrotum sac?

Well, guess what? This country has a metric fuckton of freedom fighters, and you just managed to wake a shitton more. Welcome to the party, pal, and yippey kay AY!!

Motherfucker.

Mar 24

At Least It Starts With the Letter “U”

Posted by LC Aggie Sith on Monday, March 24, 2014 in Idiotarians, Politics, War

As the world watches Ukraine and Putin, and begins to wonder what happened to Georgia (the republic, not the state), our esteamed* Prez and leader of the somewhat free world decided it was time to get serious and get involved.

In Uganda.

Again.

Early Monday, the White House confirmed a Washington Post report that the U.S. was sending “associated support personnel,” and a “limited number” of CV-22 Osprey aircraft to assist local forces in their long-running battle against Kony’s Lord’s Resistance Army, or LRA. Obama sent about 100 U.S. troops to help the African forces in 2011.

The administration did not specify how many troops and aircraft would be sent to Africa, but the Post reported that the president had ordered four Osprey aircraft and 150 Air Force special operations members and airmen to Uganda.

I’m all for helping the oppressed, don’t get me wrong. But having studied Sub-Saharan African cultures, and the geography, I’m pretty freakin’ sure they will never find much less catch that Kony character anytime soon. Besides that, I have to ask, how does his capture secure the freedom of not just the people of Uganda and the Central African Republic (so-called), but also of the US? Just how is Kony a threat to Western interests? He has no nuclear capabilities, no organized army divisions, nothing but a mythical shroud to provide him cover. This is akin to the Ugandan Army sending troops to Los Angeles to capture the Hillside Stranglers.

Meanwhile, Vlad “Impale Them All” Putin is poised to go to war over Ukraine as a probable second step (don’t forget Georgia, the republic, not the state) in his quest to re-establish Russia as a superpower and making Poland, Hungary, and all the other former bloc nations very, very nervous, since the US no longer has their backs. But the Prez will write a sternly-worded letter or reprimand while trying to calm the European countries on his tour.

He will no doubt try to douse that conflagration with just enough gasoline.

* Yes, I spelled it that way on purpose ;)

Mar 10

Blind Squirrel, Etc.

Posted by LC Aggie Sith on Monday, March 10, 2014 in Idiotarians, Left Wing Media, Politics

This past Saturday evening was the 129th meeting of the Gridiron Club Dinner, a white-jacket event which is hosted by the créme de la créme of the Washington press corps.

I’ve always wondered about this club. It’s odd to have members of the press in an exclusive and elite club, when they are supposed to be open about everything. But whatever.

Anyway, the evening’s headliner was none other than Secretary of State John Kerry. In a moment of rare clarity, Monsieur Kerry delivered the ultimate burn to erstwhile king of news, CNN.

During a humorous and well-received speech, Kerry, the evening’s headliner, said that CNN’s John King had asked if the former Massachusetts Senator was considering another presidential bid in 2016.

Kerry’s response: “I am out of politics — and based on the ratings, so is CNN.”

And though mon cher Kerry wasn’t the only one to zing CNN, he was the most devastating. I must say, it was rather funny to see le bete noire Kerry beat down the channel that propped him up in the first place. A blind squirrel can find a nut once in a while, I guess.

Then again, it doesn’t take a lot of effort or fight to kick an opponent when he is on life support, either.

Mar 7

Well, Damn…

Posted by LC Aggie Sith on Friday, March 7, 2014 in AssHatery, Celebutards, Idiotarians, Rants

Look at that. It’s Friday and time for the Open Thread.

Today’s OT deals with entitlement. Specifically, that young woman who felt the need to sue her parents after storming out of her home in a huff.

rachel lol

I’m not a fan, as you can tell. I read an interview with her father, a former police chief, who claimed he was a very liberal parent, and only wished HIS parents had been so lenient.

Hey, Chief Barbrady, that is WHY your spawn felt the want to sue your ass.

I don’t care about this family at all. They all deserve each other. As far as I’m concerned, the parents should pay for her shit as punishment for raising such a princess, and in return, she should be forced to go to a public school in Trenton and state college.

What fitting punishment would you give them??

Mar 3

Nero Called and He Wants His Fiddle Back

Posted by LC Aggie Sith on Monday, March 3, 2014 in Government, Politics, War

It’s not enough that our Prez is working hard to destroy this country. He has to make it easier for other tyrants to destroy the rest of the world, too.

Last week, the White House released a photo of our Prez talking on the phone with Russian Prez Putin. It was a rather foolhardy effort to make our Prez look tough. But as usual, it failed spectacularly.

obama putin call

Reportedly, this call lasted 90 minutes. This is how I imagine the call went.

BO: Hey Vlad, how’s things?

VP: Hallo comrade! Things are good, very good. Enjoyed some time in Sochi and now going to enjoy some time in The Crimea. And what about you? Taking another vacation?

BO: Really thinking about it right now. Listen, about Crimea… Um, would you mind just holding off for a bit?

VP: Why, Obamushka?

BO: Look, I’m out of red lines and some people expect me to come up with one.

VP: Red line? Is this new drug, like ecstasy?

BO: I wish… I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but the thing is, you going to Crimea looks like an act of war to some people, and frankly, I am trying my damnedest to get rid of OUR military right now, and you are making the argument to keep OUR military at current levels here. You have to work with me!

VP: I have to work with you?? Do I have to remind you who is my bitch here, Obamushka?

BO: No…..

VP: Good. Now, be a good cyka and keep rattling the saber. Your supporters still believe in you to transform your country. Just as my supporters believe in me to transform mine, da? Now, I have to go. My jackboots just came back from being shined.

Why so short a call? Putin probably kept Obama on hold for 80 minutes.

Feb 24

Buh-bye, and I Hope They Go in Threes

Posted by LC Aggie Sith on Monday, February 24, 2014 in Awesomeness, Celebutards, Idiotarians

This weekend amid the heart wrenching hells of Venezuela, Ukraine, Syria, Thailand, and God only knows how many other countries, comes some good news. First off, Alec Baldwin is just plain givin’ up.

baldwin gives up

He’s just tired of being hounded by the “Gay Department of Justice”, y’all. He is tired of fighting TMZ photogs and wants to quit public life, so logically he is leaving NYC to move to LA, you know, home of TMZ and Hollywood.

Logic is not his friend.

On the heels of that bit of serendipity, comes the news that Piers Morgan’s show has been given the axe. And I don’t mean rank deodorant, which in hind sight would have been an improvement. I guess viewers of all political and ideological leanings got tired of his condescending schtick. Sure didn’t help that he came to a country that beat his own with muskets, either. And I am sure that being a know-it-all didn’t fly well, especially in view of his many phone hacking scandals during his time as a tabloid editor back in UK. Common manners dictate that you don’t shit on your host’s welcome mat.

As to the third, we can only speculate on who it could be. Personally, I’m kinda hoping it’s the entire cast of The View :D

Jan 24

Olympic Styling, or How to Embarrass the American People

Posted by LC Aggie Sith on Friday, January 24, 2014 in Open Thread, Rants

Good Lord A’mighty.

winter olympic uniform gal

THAT is what the American Olympians will be wearing at the opening ceremonies in Sochi. In short, the mother of all ugly sweaters paired with sweatpants and fuck ugly boots. About the only redeeming item is the turtleneck. This is the main reason I don’t wear anything by Ralph Lauren. The ostentatiousness of it leaves the taste of bitter almonds laced with battery acid in my mouth. Bad enough that the blazers he designed for the 2012 Olympics had a gargantuan Polo Pony embroidered above the right breast. Now he has to go and design possibly the worst outfit evah and still manage to emblazon his initials on the pant leg.

(Ok, I took a break while scouring the internet and found this. Maybe this is not the worst that could have been.)

Still, I do miss the certain American style that we had cultured over the years. It was understated, yet it managed to imprint what our society stands for without having to scream it like a banshee in heat.

1980 winter olympic uniform

Remember those? Lake Placid, 1980. Designed by Levi’s, who also designed the 1984 Winter Olympic team uniforms. THOSE uniforms were the embodiment of Americanism. My dad saw them and his first words were, “Huh, they look American, finally”. Yes, FINALLY. And now we rely on some “fashion designer” who is more concerned with product placement? Seriously, who paid $795 for the 2012 blazer? That blazer was the 1980′s prom dress in the Paris fashion show that was the 2012 Winter Olympics.

Honestly, we have gone from exceptional to hipstery douchebaggery. I have plaid pants that have more balls than those uniforms.

And what say y’all?

Nov 18

Monday Morning LOL

Posted by LC Aggie Sith on Monday, November 18, 2013 in AssHatery, Idiotarians, Left Wing Media, Rants

I love perusing the social-site-with-faces. I get to see the funny stuff, get news links with you know, ACTUAL NEWS, updates about family and friends, and of course, the requisite LSD-fueled screeds that just make my mornings.

This Monday’s entry is from none other than the Puffy Ho®. Y’all can go look for it. I can’t link it here. I just showered and we are under water restrictions. Again. Anyway, it is titled, 12 Reasons Why Obama is One of the Best Presidents Ever.

Quit laughing. I haven’t even started fisking it yet. He begins with duality.

With tears in my eyes, and joy in my heart, I stood alongside people of color across the nation as we celebrated America’s first inauguration of a black president. As a young black man, I felt a true sense of patriotism as I witnessed our country rally together to show, finally, that we are more concerned about who is the most qualified man for the job, regardless of race or age.

Uh huh. So you are happy a black guy won but it has NOTHING to do with race. Got it.

He goes on to say that sure, the Prez has had a few missteps, just like any other president. He says that after he claims the predecessor was a “colossal failure”, ok? And then, hilarity ensues.

1-- He is one for The People.

As long as “The People” means his campaign contributors and apologists, sure.

2-- He is for civil rights.

Tell that to those still screaming for same sex marriage, to the whistleblowers who are in hiding for outing the NSA, and TEA Party members being given a colonoscopy by the IRS.

3-- He is for one race -the human race.

I did snarf at this. Thoughts of George Zimmerman, Sgt. James Crowley, the people threatened by the Black Panthers all come to mind. And if you think of that too, then you’re RACIST!!!

4-- He is for a healthcare system that brings hope and healing to the hurting.

But you can’t hope to keep your insurance or your doctor.

5-- He is for the middle class.

BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

*sniff, chortle*

BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Sorry, I can’t help it. Better to laugh than to think of the total debt accruing on the middle class’ shoulders.

6-- He is for women’s rights.

Meanwhile not a peep from him regarding the vile comments made at conservative women, such as Sarah Palin. But Hera forbid anyone take a swipe at Sandra Fluke and her $3,000 contraception.

7-- He is for doing away with pomp and circumstance.

Golfing, million dollar vacations, and monthly concerts by hip musicians do not count. And the Greek columns couldn’t be reached for comment.

8-- He is for the environment.

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m still waiting for the oceans to recede and the planet to heal.

9-- He is for veterans.

This, as he makes suggestions to change the benefits and attempts to charge them for their healthcare. This, as he shuts them out of their own memorial. By the way, how many brass have been fired now??

10-- He is for peace.

Syria, the Arab Spring, Iran, Afghanistan, Benghazi…..

11-- He is for education.

Common Core, anyone?

12-- He is for entertaining the masses.

TOTUS could not be reached for comment.

If y’all feel like reading the article, it’s under The Blog at the Puffy Ho®. But best be prepared to spew your drink and take a long shower afterwards.

 

Nov 9

More Like Tom Trippin’

Posted by LC Aggie Sith on Saturday, November 9, 2013 in AssHatery, Celebutards, Rants, Total Bullshit

Most of y’all know I don’t care much for Tom Cruise. I think he is an over-rated, egotistical peacock with the cranial capacity of a toadstool. But that’s just me. To this day I have never seen Top Gun, and can’t for the life of me figure out what Mimi Rodgers, Nicole Kidman, and Katie Holmes were using before they entered the Rehab of Normal Life™. Anyway, I was always content to just ignore him and give a pass to his entire filmography. Until I read this.

Tom says his location shoots are just like serving a tour in Afghanistan, “That’s what it feels like. And certainly on this last movie, it was brutal. It was brutal.”

What the ever loving FUCK?????

You DARE compare yourself to a soldier serving in Afghanistan??

You, who makes upwards $20 million a movie??

You, who has assistants at every turn??

You, who manages to have a mansion in Beverly Hills, an “estate” in Telluride, AND a condo you are trying to sell in New York City??

You, who owns a jet AND a Aviat – Pitts S-2B P-51 Mustang?? A FUCKING P-51 MUSTANG???

You, who drives around in a Bugatti Veyron because the Porche isn’t good enough??

You dare to compare yourself to an American Soldier?? A man who signs away his very LIFE so people like YOU can spout off your ignorance? A man who is lucky if his paycheck comes through each month? A man who has to live on that paltry $25K??? A man who will volunteer to fight an enemy there, just so that enemy can’t hurt the likes of people like YOU over here??

FUCK THAT ON A STICK WITH HOT SAUCE!!!

This particular Army wife thinks that you are so full of ignorant shit,  giving you an enema would leave a pair of eyebrows. You have proven to the world what a complete and total jackass you are, and there will be no recovering from that. So please, go fuck yourself. Until such time as you are willing to stand in the path of a bullet for your brother in arms, or take the blast of a grenade to save the life of an Afghan child, or even go out and become the target of an unknown enemy, uncertain if you’ll survive long enough to see tomorrow, go find a couch to violate.

UPDATE:

Screenshot of the deposition:

radar online cruise

I am willing to give Mr. Cruise some veracity in thinking that being apart from your child is brutal. The comparison he chose to accept (since it was done by his counsel most likely at his request) is still appalling by virtue of the fact that he still compares missing his child, whom he can see when he wishes, and whom he has chosen to not see as often due to the demands of his work schedule, to a soldier who HAS to miss his child by virtue of the fact that HE is in a war zone. You may argue that the soldier also chose his profession knowing the risks.

But there is a difference between a choice made to help protect our freedoms, and a choice made to charge people $15 for a movie ticket.

Jul 6

Your Eyes, They Will Bleed

Posted by LC Aggie Sith on Saturday, July 6, 2013 in Funny Pics, Teh Funny

Because someone has to do it.

michelle obama icky armpits

Now that I have scared you shitless from the interwebnets, go enjoy the day.

AFTER you scrub your retinas with Drano™ ;)