Headlines
Man Robs Bank Armed with McDonald's Apple Pies
Police Arrest Naked Man Found Covered in Peanut Butter & Chocolate
Man Dies After Swallowing Dentures During Sex
'Soul Train' creator Don Cornelius dead
James Farentino dies at 73
White Castle Considers Offering Beer and Wine(I thought is where people went when already drunk)
America is Drunk(someone needs to slap Dr. Keith Ablow or buy him a drink or two)
Occupiers Pissing on Churches Housing Them (Literally)
Why Sunday Was a Great Day
Yesterday there were two major playoff games: NY Giants versus Atlanta Falcons, and Denver Broncos versus Pittsburg Steelers. I had no dog in those fights. But I will say I was particularly delighted to see Denver win. No….. not because Tim Tebow is a wonderful example of a Christian and a very nice guy. That’s just icing.
That kind of icing has no calories, and it’s so good for you.
No, the reason I was happy, gloriously happy, is due to the fact that after this spewage:
….Bill Maher can’t be reached for comment. He is no longer vacationing in Hawaii, but his twitterings have been silent for a few days. I can’t imagine why, can you?
Of course I could be over-reaching here, and it may just boil down to the fact that Mr. Tebow happened to have dated* this young lady:
That would be enough to drive a 55 year old to boozing and bitching, especially when he is known for dating women whose resumés included porn films and strip clubs, and looked every bit like they did.
*(Thanks to Lizard for the info)
And So It Begins…
Yeppers…. it’s COLLEGE BOWL TIME!!!
First up, Gildan New Mexico Bowl, featuring Temple Owls versus Wyoming Cowboys. Now, where I come from, cowboys always have an edge on owls. But you never know. For the next three weeks we shall be entertained by the most hyped and the least appreciated teams in college footballdom. AWESOMENESS!!!
Yes, I know that is neither an owl nor a cowboy. But do you really care?? 
Dirty Girl
Football Update:
DeadPool Update: They’re all still alive…
The Last One
Today marks the end of an era. The traditional rivalry between Texas A&M University and University of Texas will play their last game this evening. There’s a lot of history between the schools, and suffice it to say, some of it is….not too pretty. But all things, good or bad, come to an end.
By the way, just who is watching The Longhorn Network??
Video hat tip to LC Draco.
Here’s a Hooker .. and some Booze
Yes, I had to try out what is probably the most popular blended scotch out there. I have to say, it isn’t bad. The taste, the smell and the color are all pleasant. There’s really only one bad thing I can say about the stuff. It has a flavor more like Irish whiskey than Scotch. Now, for me, this is not a bad thing as I really like Irish whiskey but for a scotch drinker, this ain’t gonna cut it. It does have a more scotch-y flavor than you’d find in an Irish whiskey but it is very easy to drink. On this one, I have to say “for the price” it is pretty good stuff.
H&B Football Pick’em stats!
Are You Ready??
FOR SOME FOOTBALL??
I bet you are now
DeadPool Updates
I’m sure some of you are probably sick of me pimping the DeadPool game but there’s been some activity so I’ll leave this update.
Total Approved Celebs: 134
Total Denied Celebs: 11 (most are either US political figures or already dead)
Total Players: 19
Completed Lists: 5
Empty Lists: 7
ToBeRight (24) and Terrapod (18) both of you have had denials so you might want to get over there an update your lists.
The rest of you seem to be still working on your lists. No rush.
Football
Poker
Sorry about that. Not only did I miss poker again, I fucking missed the Poker Night post. Apologies for that, I didn’t realize it was Tuesday.
Hooker
Poker Night
I know I’ve been half-assed about making it to poker night. I’ll really try to be there tonight. You should know, that the server will be up even if I’m not around.
We’ve also got updated rankings for H&B Football Pick’em:
And an update on H&B DeadPool; Almost all core functionality is completed. The only thing missing at this point is the ‘Report Death’ function which should be completed in the next day or so. I’ve also uploaded pictures of the Grand Prize here.
And in the spirit of “there’s never enough Hookers” I’ll finish with a Hooker …
Sports Opera
Good lord… I am the last person to think of herself as a football aficionado, but then again, they are acting more like a plot twist in As the Stomach Churns:
The Pac-12 decided it won’t expand further late Tuesday because commissioner Larry Scott failed to get assurance that Texas would back an equal revenue sharing plan if the league added the Longhorns, Oklahoma, Texas Tech and Oklahoma State, a source with direct knowledge told ESPN.com.
You know what I liked most about the Big 12 Conference? The fact that they used this as their theme song:
Sesame Street Pinball Song, sung by the Pointer Sisters, no less. Brought back memories and made us all nostalgic, and ergo, made us get over the fact that there was no longer a Southwest Conference.
And just as things were going well, t.u. (AKA, University of Texas), decided to fuck it up for everybody. How? They partnered with ESPN to have their very own Longhorn Network. A move one can only describe as “dicky”. Such a partnership gives them a decided edge on recruitment opportunities in high schools, to say the least, not to mention the amount of money that the network would generate for t.u.
Well, as you can surmise, there was no way Texas A&M was going to let that slide. This is how I imagined it went:
A&M: How could you just cut the rest of us out like that??
t.u.: What? It’s just a little money, baby…nothing to get worked over.
A&M: A little money?? YOU WHORE!!!
t.u.: You melodramatic bimbo! Get over yourself.
A&M: Excuse me??? I’m not the one that just buttfucked the whole conference here!
t.u.: The other teams will understand.
OU: The fuck we will. Nice having that whole rivalry with you. Good luck finding an audience to compete with what you just gave up.
Baylor: Look, you just have to deal with it, like we are, A&M.
A&M: Fuck that on a stick with sauce! I’m leaving, and y’all can’t stop me!!
OSU: Wait… we go where OU goes, so…wtf, over?
Baylor: Don’t go!! I will FIGHT to keep you here!!
TTech: So, do we stay or do we go to the Pac 12?
Pac 12: Nope, y’all can’t come over because t.u. is too greedy and won’t play by our rules.
t.u.: Fuck y’all!! I’m going independent, so there.
TTech: I think the Big 9 has a nice ring to it… (starts crying in his beer).
What a bunch of wankers fucktards*….
*changed due to David’s suggestion 
Poker Night
If you’re new, Poker Night instructions and downloads are here.
Football stats!
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