Headlines
Man Robs Bank Armed with McDonald's Apple Pies
Police Arrest Naked Man Found Covered in Peanut Butter & Chocolate
Man Dies After Swallowing Dentures During Sex
'Soul Train' creator Don Cornelius dead
James Farentino dies at 73
White Castle Considers Offering Beer and Wine(I thought is where people went when already drunk)
America is Drunk(someone needs to slap Dr. Keith Ablow or buy him a drink or two)
Occupiers Pissing on Churches Housing Them (Literally)
Light ‘Em If You Got ‘Em
One of my favorite posts at Bring the Heat, Bring the Stupid are the videos of what Brad likes to call “‘Splodey”. Watching something blow up is therapeutic to me. Makes me feel all calm, and that all is right with the world, even if only for the few seconds of beautiful incendiary footage.
Seriously, doesn’t this make you feel good??
If I smoked, I would soooo need a cigarette right about now 
Deadpool – Joe Paterno
From FoxNews:
Joe Paterno, the longtime Penn State coach who won more games than anyone in major college football but was fired amid a child sex abuse scandal that scarred his reputation for winning with integrity, died Sunday. He was 85.
Circumstances of his fall aside, the man was Penn State football. I remember saying years ago, the man wouldn’t survive without his job. Guys that live their job like that never live long after retirement.
Anyway …. The credit, and the points, for the report go to Lizard for being first to report.
SingleWhiteAlcoholic makes his debut on the scoreboard with 15 points being the only one that had Paterno on his list.
Deadpool Update – Kim Jong-Il
The AP reports:
Kim Jong Il, North Korea’s mercurial and enigmatic leader, has died. He was 69.
Kim’s death was announced Monday by state television from the North Korean capital, Pyongyang.
Back to back deaths shoots the_botnet further into the lead. Coming from nowhere to 76 points in just a couple of days. Slightly is also back with the front-runners now with 44 points, followed by Aewl with 42.
Reiuxcat gets the ’2′ for being first to report and its starting to look like Reiuxcat is going to try to win with death reports alone.
Deadpool Update – Christopher Hitchens
From NPR
The influential writer and cultural critic Christopher Hitchens died on Thursday at the age of 62 from complications of cancer of the esophagus. Hitchens confronted his disease in part by writing, bringing the same unsparing insight to his mortality that he had directed at so many other subjects.
This one’s kinda sad.
This one has shot the_botnet straight to the top.
| Name | Points |
|---|---|
| the_botnet | 46 |
| Aewl | 42 |
| Slightly | 14 |
| wamk | 12 |
| Terrapod | 8 |
| Bunk Strutts | 4 |
| Mope | 2 |
| Reiuxcat | 2 |
Reiuxcat gets the two points for being the first with the notification, beating the_botnet by 5 minutes.
As a bonus, I’ll throw in a bit of the ugliest SQL I’ve ever written:
deadpool=# SELECT users.name AS player, celebs.first_name || ' ' ||
celebs.last_name AS celebrity, (100 - (date_part('year', age(celebs.dod,
celebs.dob))))) AS points FROM users CROSS JOIN celebs JOIN
user_lists ON (users.id=user_lists.user_id AND celebs.id =
user_lists.celeb_id) WHERE celebs.dod NOTNULL ORDER BY points DESC;
player | celebrity | points
--------------+----------------------+--------
the_botnet | Christopher Hitchens | 38
Aewl | Christopher Hitchens | 38
wamk | Andy Rooney | 8
the_botnet | Andy Rooney | 8
Terrapod | Andy Rooney | 8
Slightly | Andy Rooney | 8
Aewl | Harry Morgan | 4
Bunk Strutts | Harry Morgan | 4
Slightly | Harry Morgan | 4
wamk | Harry Morgan | 4
(10 rows)
I’ll have to hammer on that SQL statement a bit more. As you’ll notice it doesn’t include points for being the first to report.
*I’m pretty sure Reiuxcat is fucking with me by posting the NPR link
Virtual Criminals
I really don’t know what is more screwed up: that playing a videogame may be grounds to charge one with a crime, or that it’s the International Order of the Red Cross that says so.
The Red Cross is investigating whether 600 million gamers are violating the Hague and Geneva conventions when they kill and blow stuff up for fun.
Now, I understand that this organization is tasked with observing and reporting violations of the Geneva Convention, but how exactly is a 14 year old sitting in his room, playing a game consensually with other like-minded people online violating a “humanitarian law” written for the express purpose of times of war?
Especially when the characters can be reset to life again??
In its daily bulletin, the ICRC&RC stated that “for the first time, Movement partners discussed our role and responsibility to take action against violations of IHL in video games”. Apparently they seem to think a kid who is a sharpshooter on Call of Duty Doing Modern Warfare During World at War with Black Ops while Reaching Halos is going to go outside and grab the nearest AK 47/uzi/P90 and massacre the entire neighborhood.
“While National Societies shared their experiences and opinions, there is clearly no simple answer. There is, however, an overall consensus and motivation to take action.”
You may ask yourselves why this very big, very influential organization is now worried about 600 million people playing war videogames. Well, they videogaming industry is a multi-billion dollar industry which has so far escaped the wrath of the global body to which the ICRC&RC reports Geneva Convention violations: The United Nations. And y’all just know they want a piece of that pie.
But like we in the real world understand, their is a difference between fantasy and reality. And the videogame industry, unlike governments, will not take this bent over while asking for a reach around.
DeadPool Update: Harry Morgan
From *The New York Times:
Harry Morgan, the prolific character actor best known for playing the acerbic but kindly Colonel Potter in the long-running television series “M*A*S*H,” died Wednesday morning at his home in Los Angeles. He was 96. His son Charles confirmed his death, saying Mr. Morgan had been treated for pneumonia recently.
Slightly gets the points for being first to notify us of the death (wamk, you got beat by 16 minutes).
While Harry Morgan wasn’t worth many points, he did change the scoreboard.
* I considered deducting the two points right back away from Slightly for the New York Times link.
Operation Moniker
I have to admit: naming military operations can be decidedly tricky. Some, like Operation Desert Storm sound majestic and pretty much sum up the purpose of the campaign. Others, like Operation Menu (which was the bombing of Cambodia during the Vietnam War) bear no relation to the actual campaign, and fall very short of being a good descriptor. There are some that take description of the operation way too far, like Russia’s Operation Forcing Georgia to Peace, which as we all know was total bullshit anyway, and should have been named Operation Push Georgia Into Defending Itself. Commie bastards….
Anyway, in the days following the attacks of 9/11, Neal Boortz was talking about the coming war, and the possible names of the operations that would be talking place. The names that were being bandied about fell short in Hubby’s estimation:
Me: Well, what would you call it, then?
Hubby: I would call it Operation Smoking Crater. Or if you want subtle, Operation Desert Glass.
Me: Ooooh… much better.
Names should strike as much fear as the actual physical operation, in my humble opinion. I want the terrorists to have a bowel movement when they hear something like Operation Killemall. Or better yet, Operation Moms Are Pissed.
What operation names can you come up with?? 
First Death!
Well, we’ve had our first death in the H&B DeadPool.
Andy Rooney died Friday night at age 92.
Mope was the first to report the death, beating wamk’s report by about an hour and a half. Mope is on the scoreboard with 2 points.
Andy Rooney appeared on more than one list: Terrapod, wamk, Slightly and botnet all got 8 points.
And ’cause Aggie says I owe wirecutter a Hooker…
Tuesday Random
Football Update:
Time’s almost up for DeadPool
Just about 24 hours left to get your picks in. If any problems with the website prevent you from getting your lists completed just email me your picks and I’ll get ‘em added for you. The Add Celebrity form disappears at midnight.
Just to remind you what you’re playing for:
If you’ve not done it yet, get over to hb-deadpool.com and sign up and get your lists done.
And ….. here’s a Hooker 
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