Caption Contest Results
Well, the last caption contest went over rather well. Commenters were…inspired. After the votes were tallied we had one clear winner. The winner is Enas Yorl with:
“Gee, your botox smells terrific!”
First runner up, which is important in case Enas cannot execute the duties of the title, is Tiberius, with:
“Who’s my favourite little socialist bitch? You are aren’t you, shmoopy?”
Hope you enjoyed the contest, and hope you have obliterated that particular pic from your corneas. 
The Things You Find….
So, I was a bit busy this weekend with numerous school projects, which also necessitated me to run a few errands. The first trip out took me to Toys “R” Us, Purgatory on Earth for all parents. While looking for small jungle animals for a diorama, I get sidetracked by this:
Seriously, what kind of a twisted sicko would do this?? Needless to say, my son thought it was just awesome….
Unfortunately, I was leaving the shopping center when we remembered modeling clay. I ducked in a parking lot to turn around, when my eyes lighted on this:
Proof positive oriental food proprietors need to consult Urban Dictionary before opening for business. In fact, everyone should consult Urban Dictionary before naming anything. However, sometimes consulting Urban Dictionary can be a beneficial tool when attracting customers: (more…)
Caption Contest Kudos
Thanks to all who participated in the second caption contest. I have to admit to chortling at a few, but one was voted “well loved” above the rest. The winner this week is Tiberius with:
“Now what I’m going to do, is sneak up on him, and jam my thumb in his butthole”
And honorable mention goes to Hank Scorpio with:
If that motherfucker bows to one more foreign king, I swear I’m gonna put my thumb through his fuckin eye! I mean it! I’ll turn it to fuckin jelly, I shit you not!!
Of course, I must share my caption now, since I was unqualified to post it before:
“See? I can totally replace Simon Cowell on American Idol!!!”
Thanks for playing! 
By Popular Demand
It has been requested by a few of you, and so, I shall deliver. New caption contest for y’all to enjoy!
There is one caption that just screams at me here, but it wouldn’t be fair for me to participate
Have fun!
Update (ArmedGeek): I added little rating widgets to the comments so y’all can just + or – the captions you like.
Blood, Sweat, and Tears….
….or as it is more commonly known: Valentine’s Day.
Every year men everywhere despair of the coming day. They rack their brains trying to figure out the perfect gift, whether it’s flowers, candy, jewelry, etc. In the spirit of camaderie, here are a few suggestions to help y’all.
Women are like magpies. We all like bright, shiny things. Hence the DeBeers monopoly. However, there is no need to break the bank to get something pretty and meaningful, like this, The Hypnotic Pendant:
Two universal symbols, the heart and the snake, blend together to create a sensual pendant.
Nothing says “I love you” quite like a reptile. Yes, it’s on my list.
Another thing women like is comfort. Sure, corsets are nice and so are garter belts, but not very practical for lounging about while watching Zombieland. Pajamagram can help. From warm to fuzzy, sweet to sexy they have it all. The Ruby Velour Lounge Set is perfect for any woman. Stretchy, soft, and red. Comfy and sexy. I *heart* mine!
Then, there are the sweet things of life: CANDY. For the extravagant, there is Godiva’s Romantic Heart. Beautifully presented in a satin giftbox, it features three new flavors for Valentine’s Day, including passion fruit in white chocolate. For the thrifty, M&M’s has a fun option of personalized candies. You can add a sweet sentiment, or even add a pic of your sweetheart.
For the geek hiding inside every woman, I suggest the Literal Sweetheart T-shirt, from ThinkGeek. Really, how can you go wrong: (more…)
Miracle Not For Sale on eBay
So last week we had that horrible bout of global warming that set record lows throughout the country (has anyone spotted The Goron??), and freaking out like I usually do over cold weather, I went around checking the furnace a record-setting 15 times in two days, the pipes a record-breaking 25 times, and the heating pad every 15 minutes. Kids thought I was nuts until they had to go out to scoop up the dog poo (AHA! Glad it’s not my job). One of the things I did was set the two outside spigots on a slow drip, like an IV only not as cool or as life-saving. And God, in his infinite wisdom, mercy, and wicked sense of humor, sent me a miracle: (more…)
The Other Side of 007
Yes, we all know James Bond, Agent 007, is a suave, debonair killer who is a one-man petri dish, but did you know he is also a crooner?? Here are some clips of our beloved assassin warbling away.
I shall begin with Sean Connery, who could screech like a dying vulture for all I care. The man was voted Sexiest Man Alive at the age of 59, setting a record for the oldest man to win that title, and if that wasn’t enough, he won Sexiest Man of the Century at the age of 69. Behold the sweet sound of Connery, in the film, Darby O’Gill and the Little People:
And now, for the better clotheshorse, Roger Moore. Sexy as hell, but not quite pedestal-worthy, mostly due to not being Sean Connery. Still, it takes a man with true class to sing with The Muppets:
2010, The Year of the ELEPHANT
And with the ringing in of the New Year, come blessings, promises, and plenty of hope.
And a personal prayer for y’all:
God . . . grant us the senility to forget the people we’ve never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones that we do like, and the eyesight to see the difference.
Consider this your absent-minded Open Thread 
I don’t know what to think of this…
I mean, this is either really awesome or really horrible. Maybe a bit of both.
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