A Very Productive Day….

Yes, I know. This blog isn’t about me. However, there are times when Life deals a sorry hand, and one is forced to acknowledge that one is just a cog in the machine…a tiny, itty bitty thread in the web Fate weaves. Take today, for example. My mornings are usually pretty standard: I get up, get Hubby his tea, feed the dog, get the kids going, play taxi, after which I sit down at the laptop and scour the web for news, and visit my favorite blogs, commenting along the way. Sometimes I even do housework! THIS was one of those days. I set out with the best of intentions, y’all. I really, REALLY did. I did two loads of laundry, cleaned a bit, and then this afternoon decided to go all domestic and bake bread. This is what transpired:

I came back from checking the mail, thinking, “Mmmm…baking bread sounds GOOOOD!!”

I start measuring everything out. I clean out the bread machine (ok, not very domestic of me, but shit…baking bread takes FOREVER).

The doohickey, AKA mixing blade is missing. I set down the measuring cups with the water and the oil, and start looking around for it, because I JUST SAW IT YESTERDAY!!

I look around the bread machine, and hit the cup with water, sploshing it everywhere on the counter. SHIT!

I frantically get a dry towel, and start to swipe in huge swaths, hitting the cup with the oil. In my haste to catch the two tablespoons of oil, I hit the oil bottle, which was not capped. Needless to say, this resulted in oil sploshing onto the floor, more than two tablespoons’ worth.

I race to get yet another dishtowel, forgetting for a brief nanosecond THE OIL ON THE FLOOR.

My foot slips, and I land on my derriere. By this time, expletives were flying like flour around the kitchen. The dog gets up from her sunny spot and ambles into the kitchen, with a “WTF is going on??” look on her face. I don’t need my dog to question me right now, especially since she tends to eat dirt, hairballs, and trash.

I get up, run to the laundry room, and strip. I take the clothing soaked in oil and douse it in SHOUT!, praying the oil doesn’t set. I return to clean the mess on the floor, only to find the dog licking the oil. She’s a dumbass.

I gather her by her collar, and lock her up in her kennel, until I finally clean up the floor. Only then do I realize I am still in a state of deshabille. I get dressed, and being the conventional gal that I am, I continue to measure more water and oil, and commence baking a loaf of bread, only to realize I HAVEN’T FOUND THE DOOHICKEY YET!! GAH!!!

Calming down, I ask myself, “If I were this doohickey, where would I be?” And lo, and behold, I find it in one of the little baskets I use to stash the little crap that accumulates around the counters. Thanks be to GOD!! If I had not found it, I would have eaten flour. I was that desperate to have fresh bread.

Stay tuned for tomorrow, when I attempt to make homemade biscuits….