Headlines
Man Robs Bank Armed with McDonald's Apple Pies
Police Arrest Naked Man Found Covered in Peanut Butter & Chocolate
Man Dies After Swallowing Dentures During Sex
'Soul Train' creator Don Cornelius dead
James Farentino dies at 73
White Castle Considers Offering Beer and Wine(I thought is where people went when already drunk)
America is Drunk(someone needs to slap Dr. Keith Ablow or buy him a drink or two)
Occupiers Pissing on Churches Housing Them (Literally)
Girlie Drink of the Week
Well, I have been fighting a cold for what seems to be forever, but in reality has been only since Monday. In hindsight, I should have just let it take its course, rather than keep postponing the inevitable, only to have it during Christmas Day.
But this is what the GDOTW is for!
The Hot Toddy
- 1 Tbsp Honey
- 3/4 cup Hot Tea
- 2 Shots Brandy
- 1 slice Lemon
- 3-4 Cloves (optional)
- Cinnamon sticks (optional)
Brew your tea (or just do hot water, if you prefer), add honey and brandy, stirring well. Pierce lemon slice with cloves, and float on top, adding cinnamon stick. This may not cure your cold, but it will make you not care you have one 
And So It Begins…
Yeppers…. it’s COLLEGE BOWL TIME!!!
First up, Gildan New Mexico Bowl, featuring Temple Owls versus Wyoming Cowboys. Now, where I come from, cowboys always have an edge on owls. But you never know. For the next three weeks we shall be entertained by the most hyped and the least appreciated teams in college footballdom. AWESOMENESS!!!
Yes, I know that is neither an owl nor a cowboy. But do you really care??
Obviously Not Two Front Teeth
I love Christmas. I love Hanukkah. I even love the paganism of Winter Solstice. I love giving at this time of year, in charity, to friends and neighbors, to family, and even to some I’ve never met before, but consider friends all the same. I love walking into a store and perusing for the one thing that screams a recipient’s name, or making my own gift for a special person.
I just do not get the overblown, overpriced, one-of-a-kind useless gift that some people with money to burn will buy.
One year, the Neiman Marcus catalog had a (I’m not kidding here) Longhorn Steer Portable Desk. The desk was the average size of a Longhorn steer, and had wheels hidden under the “hooves” so you, the wealthy rancher, could roll it out to the pasture and do business while being cleverly disguised from your herd. The price on that tomfoolery was $65,000.
That was the price in 1984.
Of course, we are all familiar with the Victoria’s Secret Fantasy Bra™. The 2010 edition was worth only $2 million:
That bra wasn’t all that spectacular. What’s in it sure is, but the bra, not so much. I much prefer this year’s entry into the Fantasy Bra That Will Never Sell™ category:
Why?? Because PEARLS!!! And Miranda Kerr looks happy compared to Adriana Lima, who always looks so damn angry, probably because her bra is too tight.
Any other ostentatious gifts that boggle the mind? If you know of any, leave links in your comments so we all can laugh and laugh 
Can’t Argue With Demotivational Logic
I’m busy packing up my niece’s belongings so she can move out of my sister’s house, so here:
Tell me that’s wrong
The Darker Side of Hookers
Sometimes, it doesn’t pay to do business in your hometown:
Man orders prostitute, daughter arrives
That’s a hell of a WTF moment right there.
Father-of-three Titus Ncube of Bulawayo said he called for a prostitute to come to the hotel room in which he was staying while having marital problems and was shocked when his 20-year-old daughter arrived.
You know, usually I have something snarky to say, but not right now.
His daughter fled the scene, crying. But people always try to make the best of a bad situation. The father has decided to go into counselling with his wife, and the daughter has decided to return to school. So, a kind of good ending… I think.
“If it were not for my children, I could have divorced him a long time ago. But because of the trauma that divorce has on children, I decided to stay,” [Ncube's wife, Rosemary] said.
I don’t know about y’all, but that’s a red flag for me. If your daughter is prostituting herself, you may want to rethink that whole “trauma” thing, Rosemary.
Hat tip to Hubby!!
Feeling Blue
Brad from Bring the Heat, Bring the Stupid was kind enough to provide y’all with a bonus hooker.
And if y’all aren’t perusing the Load HEAT posts, you’re being stupid
Incensed Avifauna
I don’t play Angry Birds, but my brother and I have a running joke about it. He is fanatical and sends pics of anything to do with that game. Some are obvious, and others subtle, but all are damn funny.
The Audubon take:
The Therapy take:
And my personal favorite, the Hitchcock take:
Yes, even the Angry Birds take on Hitchcock’s The Birds gives me the willies. I can’t help it!!
A Vorpal Hooker for This Frabjous Day
Yes, I have to be different.
She has nothing to do with Lewis Caroll. I just dug the title. But is this not a fabulous hooker for today??
Girlie Drink of the Week
Yes, I know we had the BOOZE* of the Week earlier, but this is Hookers and BOOZE*, which means that technically, half of the posts should be about BOOZE*, right? And I know where that leads in y’all’s sense of logic, so I’ll stop there.
Yesterday while being a hostage to the Cartoon Network switching channels I saw an add for one of those weird reality shows where brides are involved. I think it was called Say Yes to the Bridezilla Acing a Cake Wondering If It’s Her Wedding Anyway. I didn’t watch it, except I did see what was being served at the “bridal luncheon”, probably to deal with five dozen women having histrionics at one sitting:
Champagne Cocktail
- 3 oz Champagne
- 1/3 oz Cognac
- Angostura Bitters
- Sugar Cube
Soak one sugar cube in a champagne flute with angostura bitters. Add champagne and cognac. Squeeze in a twist of lemon and discard. Garnish with half a slice of orange, or as I prefer, raspberries. I love the combination of lemon and raspberries, and the splash of red looks gorgeous against the pale gold of the champagne.
Remember: don’t drink it for looks. Drink it because it will make dealing with idiots at parties a lot easier.
*Yep, still G0000000gling for hits here.
The Last One
Today marks the end of an era. The traditional rivalry between Texas A&M University and University of Texas will play their last game this evening. There’s a lot of history between the schools, and suffice it to say, some of it is….not too pretty. But all things, good or bad, come to an end.
By the way, just who is watching The Longhorn Network??
Video hat tip to LC Draco.
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