Headlines
Man Robs Bank Armed with McDonald's Apple Pies
Police Arrest Naked Man Found Covered in Peanut Butter & Chocolate
Man Dies After Swallowing Dentures During Sex
'Soul Train' creator Don Cornelius dead
James Farentino dies at 73
White Castle Considers Offering Beer and Wine(I thought is where people went when already drunk)
America is Drunk(someone needs to slap Dr. Keith Ablow or buy him a drink or two)
Occupiers Pissing on Churches Housing Them (Literally)
Superstitions
Growing up in hillbilly hell the mountains of Puerto Rico, I had the opportunity to witness many family members practice little quirks all in the name of bringing good luck, or at least avoiding bad luck. We all know the standards: horseshoe over the front door, no opening of umbrellas inside, no breaking mirrors…that kind of thing. It’s harmless, and can provide endless hours of entertainment sometimes, especially when you sneak in and turn the horseshoe upside down, and watch your aunt totally wig out to the point of trying to get a white witch to bless the house again.
Good times!!
Personally, I don’t have any major superstitions. I avoid walking under ladders because I have hit my forehead a few too many times doing so. I think black cats are beautiful. I like lavender not for luck, but because deer hate it and stay away. I have opened many umbrellas in the house, and as far as horseshoes go, they look rather pretty in decor, but not my style. Shamrocks are for the Irish, and the thought of carrying a rabbit’s foot in my pocket is rather revolting, mostly because I used to watch my uncle make keychains from the paws.
All that being said, I do have one tiny superstition. I don’t wear my team colors when the Aggies play. Every time I’ve done so, they have lost. So I guess I do have one, even though it’s rather weak.
What little superstitious quirks do y’all have?
Dark Basement List
That’s what Nicole calls it. A countdown of lists about all and sundry. But since I have detailed a lot of that in different lists, I will be a bit more creative with mine.
Ten Worst Earworms
- We Built This City -- Starship
- Friday -- Rebecca Black
- Moves Like Jagger -- Maroon 5
- Bohemian Rhapsody -- Queen
- Livin’ La Vida Loca -- Ricky Martin
- Who Let the Dogs Out? -- The Baha Men
- Forget You* -- Cee Lo Green
- Material Girl - Madonna
- Heat of the Moment -- Asia
- Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinead O’Connor
Your Momma!
We’ve all been guilty of it: trying to out-do someone’s cutdown. Mine tend to be on the more subtle side. Sometimes they are so subtle that it sails past the party’ head, leaving them feeling confused. It just makes me sigh for the wasted moment, but at least they shut up long enough for me to move on.
A few years ago, Hubby, his Twin and a mutual friend were out for beers and pool. The friend went to the restroom when it was Hubby’s turn to break. When he returned, Hubby explained the break, resulting in one of the greatest comebacks ever:
Hubby: I got the small balls.
Friend: That’s what I heard.
Hubby: Damn, your girlfriend does tell you everything!
Friend: ……
Friend: There is no comeback to that….
So, what is the best comeback y’all ever said? What is the best one ever said to you?
And Aggies better not be involved 
A Fine Romance
I love romance, and I mean REALLY love romance. No, I usually don’t watch “chick flicks” because they tend to be unrealistic and somewhat maudlin. I prefer the type of romance you find in Wuthering Heights, or Die Hard. C’mon, that movie was totally romantic! He did all that for her!! Killing the bad guys was just a side benefit.
I am lucky to have a romantic hubby. He is not romantic in the usual ways, though. Not many men would buy their wives a machete, much less a gun. But he knows me rather well. In a slightly more romantic vein, he has also written poetry to me:
I’d give to you the very moon,
But I don’t know why you’d want it.
It’s cold and cratered,
Dead and done,
Without a lick of love upon it.
Now, lest y’all think he’s some kind of wonderful, the man will never lose his Man Card™. During my first pregnancy, I was a fool, and decided to test him. At the time, we lived in apartments not one block away from the grocery store. And I mean our apartment was a block away from the grocery store. One night, I had a hankering for mint chocolate chip ice cream. I was well into my fifth month of pregnancy, and it was 10:30 PM. I turned to him with large puppy dog eyes, and told him I really, really wanted some mint chocolate chip ice cream.
He looked at me and said, “You know where the keys are.” He simply was not going to coddle me. And he never did.
There are many levels of romance. Some are subtle, others overblown. What is the most romantic thing you ever did, or have had done for you? Or to you?? 
First Loves and Jalopies
My first car was a Grand Am, two door, gold deathtrap. It did its job, getting me from point A to point B. It was a piece of crap, but at least I had no car payments to worry about. When it came time to get a new car, Hubby and I got a new car and got rid of the Disco Deathtrap™. I had no love for it, and it had no love for me.
Hubby’s first car story is vastly different from mine. He bought his dad’s 1983 Saab, once he was out of college. Anything that car needed, he gave it. New headlight? Done! Chip in the windshield?? OMG!! Fix that STAT!! He coddled and nurtured that vehicle like it was his baby. Imagine the grief when a squirrel took out the electrical system to nest inside it, totalling the car and imposing a four month period of mourning. He still has the keys to it, and recalls her (yes, her) fondly.
Is it different for women and men when it comes to cars? Was your first car your first love, too?
Accidents and Happenstance
Skyping with Hubby is never boring. You would think that living in the middle of a desert would be boring, but you would be wrong. Everyday he regales me with stories of gore and mayhem, and that’s just during PT. No matter how careful one is, invariably someone will get hurt somehow. Hubby himself doesn’t have a great track record. He’s had a broken finger, bite to the knee (which developed gangrene), hatchet to the leg, sledgehammer to the hand (needing reconstruction), torn hamstring, torn right quadracep, torn ligaments to the right ankle, dislocated shoulder with a torn trapezius muscle, ruptured eardrum (three times), numerous lacerations to the head (from bricks, rocks, bottles, and once from a teddy bear with music box inside), fractured sternum, and of course, getting shot in the arm.
I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF THOSE!!!
Sadly, or luckily, all I’ve ever dealt with is a broken toe. The viral meningitis and childbirth were just par for the course. So was the sciatica. And the chronic back pain. Sigh…
So, what’s the worst injury y’all ever sustained? Gory details are fine. The more the better
The Darker Side of Hookers
Sometimes, it doesn’t pay to do business in your hometown:
Man orders prostitute, daughter arrives
That’s a hell of a WTF moment right there.
Father-of-three Titus Ncube of Bulawayo said he called for a prostitute to come to the hotel room in which he was staying while having marital problems and was shocked when his 20-year-old daughter arrived.
You know, usually I have something snarky to say, but not right now.
His daughter fled the scene, crying. But people always try to make the best of a bad situation. The father has decided to go into counselling with his wife, and the daughter has decided to return to school. So, a kind of good ending… I think.
“If it were not for my children, I could have divorced him a long time ago. But because of the trauma that divorce has on children, I decided to stay,” [Ncube's wife, Rosemary] said.
I don’t know about y’all, but that’s a red flag for me. If your daughter is prostituting herself, you may want to rethink that whole “trauma” thing, Rosemary.
Hat tip to Hubby!!
No Coal For YOU!
Well, it’s that time of year again. The time when people everywhere are scrambling around to get their Christmas gift shopping done before the inevitable “What did you get me??” moment sets in. There is nothing attractive about someone with a deer-in-the-headlights look on their face. Especially when it’s your significant other who should know better by now.
Moving on (before a tirade sets in), here is a gift guide for the holiday that will hopefully make things easy….well, easier….ok, not get anyone in trouble.
As a general rule, women hate getting clothing for Christmas, unless they get to pick it out themselves. Sometimes our significant others tend to buy the wrong size. This is a losing situation for them: too small, and we cry about needing a bigger size, or too big, and we cry because they think we are fat. But PJs are different!! The only thing men have to remember is what kind to get. Trust me, you do not want to get a hankie with straps at Victoria’s Secret when your beloved prefers 7 oz weight flannel.
Or vice versa.
Anyway, you can’t go wrong with a PajamaGram. They have beautiful PJs in different styles, and all of them come in a sweet hatbox. You can even have the PJs personalized.
Comfy and cute! And warm…very warm!! And you can wear these all day. Total win!!
Another good gift to give is the gift of scent. Trust me when I say that a woman is more apt to be impressed by a bottle of perfume than by a car deodorizer, ok? However, a man can’t just pick something willy-nilly and think he’s going to get kudos. Tresór by Lancôme may be the second best selling perfume in the world, but that doesn’t mean it will smell like it on her skin. Perusing her vanity table and paying attention to what she wears is crucial here. If that isn’t a possibility, then go out of this world to get her something special!
Zen perfume was synthesized from the scent of roses that were sent up to the space station. Turns out, the scent of roses change when in zero gravity. Yes, I want to grow roses in zero gravity now. What??
Of course, some of y’all will just be too terrified about picking the wrong thing, be it clothing or perfume. In this case I say, go for the bling. Jewelry never fails, as long as it’s not a gangster emblem hanging from a huge chain. That’s just tacky. Necklaces and bracelets are always a safe bet, because you don’t need to know sizes for rings, or if she has pierced ears (you should know these things by now, but I will cut you some slack here). A very popular trend right now is the charm bracelet. Some, like Pandora™ and Trollbeads™, tend to be very pricey, but there are other options that are more affordable, like Brighton. They have a huge selection of charms, which makes making a unique personalized bracelet very easy.
Just remember to pay attention to her favorite things, and you can’t go wrong!
Hope you enjoyed shopping with Aggie. The next instalment will be Blood, Sweat, and Tears. Also known as Valentine’s Day 
*Crossposted at Sithy Things.
This is What It Sounds Like When Boys Cry
A fleet of high-performance cars, including eight Ferraris, has been involved in one of the most expensive accidents in history after an astonishing multi-car pile-up in Japan.
I’m not a big fan of Lamborghinis and Ferraris, but HOLY SHIT!!! If they wanted to break or make a record, they succeeded.
I can hear the whimpers from here. Miraculously, no one was seriously hurt. Not even the poor sap that was in a Toyota Prius.
Such was the severity of the damage, several of the luxury cars have been written off, leaving their owners with the nightmare scenario of seeing their prized possessions turned into expensive scrap metal.
The total damage bill is expected to hit several million pounds. A new Ferrari 355 retails for several hundred thousand pounds.
Grab a tissue, gentlemen. There is no shame in crying.
There is only shame in being such a piss-poor driver.
Hat tip to Hubby
There is Never Enough Irony in the World
The Ironic Penta Meter™ is tipping off the scales this morning, y’all.
Jay-Z is releasing a new line of T-shirts in support of the Occupy Wall Street movement Friday via his Rocawear clothing label, but he doesn’t plan to share any of the profits with the protesters.
And that, ladies and gents, is rich on many, many levels. This so-called musical artist will gladly make a buck off the protesters, standing in figurative solidarity with them, but when it comes to the bottom line, will not lift a finger to help them in any way. And the dumb masses can’t see they are being used by him to increase his fortune.
Meanwhile, the spokesperson for the clothing company that is making the shirts had this to say:
“The ‘Occupy All Streets’ T-shirt was created in support of the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ movement. Rocawear strongly encourages all forms of constructive expression, whether it be artistic, political or social. ‘Occupy All Streets’ is our way of reminding people that there is change to be made everywhere, not just on Wall Street. At this time we have not made an official commitment to monetarily support the movement.”
So, to the dumb masses occupying parks in cities across the US, I hope the knowledge that Jay-Z is making money off your back and enjoying the rotten fruit of your labor all the way to the bank in no way keeps you up at night. I’m sure the lice, tuberculosis, lack of heat, and the fear of getting assaulted or even raped is enough to keep you awake.
Just wait until bubonic plague breaks out.
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